Why won't she just say what she is going to do. She has to know. Same crap that helped get us here is her fear of speaking up. I hate having another bomb waiting to go off in the back of my mind. Today has been really rough for some reason and i can't put my finger on it. Maybe it has something to do with how things used to be. A text during the day from her just to say hi. There is no more of that. There may never been any more of that. I may have long road ahead to win her back or to lose her. I may be told tomorrow, "i changed my mind and dont want to separate. I just want to D" She is not angry, she is not hostile, she is not uncaring, but she is selfish and very hardened. Actually looking forward to getting home and doing some yard work. Will probably still obsess but I am trying. Damn I do not deserve to be treated this way!
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Why you ask? It is quite possible she does not know herself. One thing is for sure. She will try to make you the bad guy and possibly try forcing you to divorce her. It is quite possible she is fogged out herself. That is what the point of detaching is, knowing you will be fine either way. Do not worry DBD, you will get there, just stop preoccupying yourself with stuff you have no influence of. Don't get scared of dying so you forget to live. As Charlie Brown said: While it is true that we will die some day, it is also true that on all the other days we will not...
Sure your wife might come home and announce she's found an apartment, so what? How does that influence you? It does not. It is her right to make such a choice and there is nothing you can do to stop her. Why would you even want to? The sooner she is out there without you, the sooner she can start missing you. And no, you cannot win her back, she has to want to come back and first she has to respect you...
And you give her too much power with this last sentence of yours. You will be treated the way you perceive yourself. If you have low self esteem, then you will allow her (and others) to treat you like dog $hit. Grow a pair and don't be a dick (it is a delicate balance).
One last thing. She will not make you happy, only you can make you happy...
W seems to be really consumed with co-dependent thing. I have been reading a lot about it also. Do I let her know that I have been actively reading about it or do I just do it quietly?
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Well the other shoe fell. WAW has found a place and will be moving out soon. I was relieved because limbo in same house [censored]. But today I am horribly saddened at the thought. We agreed on a 6 month separation and see if anything changes. Somebody please tell me it gets easier when they are out of the house? I have dance around the house like a trained bear hoping she would recognize the start of some changes and therefore decide to stay.
But I realize it's way past that now. I have gotten some great insight from Sandi2 on WAW in Sandi's Reflections. There is my WAW to a T. Hurts really bad to know that you made one feel so horribly for so long. It was not malicious, just careless and insensitive. Alert!!! Dumb male in relationship. Hazards ahead. I smiled for second after typing that. That's once today.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
It will get easier if you start living your life for you...and i mean you!
You start making changes because that is who you want to be instead of who you think she wants or want you to be.
You start really getting out and galling, new hobbies, new friends, activites, meetups, clubs, teams... new exciting you...do and be instead of hope and dream.
You start focusing on your side of the fence and look at those legitimate issues that you did bring to the game.
You keep on being the best you, you can be and your life will get better. It will be easier for you to live with yourself because you will start liking yourself snf the life you are living SOOOOOOOOOOOO much more.
I promise, if you let her go and i mean stop holding on so tight, and live for you, it will get easier. Period!
