Help!

[Thornton]

She ended up contacting me exactly one month later, to say she would be coming to get the rest of her things. She never did.

Then she texted a few weeks later, and made small talk.

Then texted two weeks later and we started chatting about things. Turns out she missed me as much as I missed her.

We got back together soon after.

[CWOL]

She ended up contacting me exactly one month later, to say she would be coming to get the rest of her things. She never did.

Then she texted a few weeks later, and made small talk.

Then texted two weeks later and we started chatting about things. Turns out she missed me as much as I missed her.

We got back together soon after.

With our S involved, I won't have that luxury of isolation with her, unfortunately. We won't get a chance to "miss" each other, as we will need to see each other minimum of twice a week.

Did she ever file for D?

[Thornton]

No she came back but dumped me again a month ago.

[CWOL]

No she came back but dumped me again a month ago.

Yes, I saw on your thread, very sorry that happened.
What would you have done differently, if you had a chance to redo it?

[Thornton]

I would have insisted on counseling the moment we reconnected, because she was all in at that point.

Counseling only works when both people have a vested interest, and she was very interested in reconciling at that point.

[CWOL]

I would have insisted on counseling the moment we reconnected, because she was all in at that point.

Counseling only works when both people have a vested interest, and she was very interested in reconciling at that point.

Have you been able to locate a qualified counselor that will apply the correct principles you subscribe to, if/when she comes back?

My WW and I had a counselor 17 years ago when EA episode 1 occurred. We only went to him a couple times, we felt he was very ineffective. Now, after reading everything on the forums I'm leery about getting a counselor who might reinforce the divorce option.

[Thornton]

Yes, we have a counselor we were seeing. He is a LMFT and certifed addictions counselor. By the time we started going, she was already checking out.

I do not recommend seeing a MT unless BOTH partners 100% want to work on the R. Otherwise it will be a disaster.

[CWOL]

Yes, we have a counselor we were seeing. He is a LMFT and certifed addictions counselor. By the time we started going, she was already checking out.

I do not recommend seeing a MT unless BOTH partners 100% want to work on the R. Otherwise it will be a disaster.

Yes, I've experienced that 17 years ago. I believe my WW paid lip service to the MC sessions in order to appease her father who felt her divorcing me would be shameful (due to the EA). I think she just learned to suppress her emotional needs and go further underground with POSOM to carry on this EA for at least the past 9 years. (She still has not told me how long ago it restarted, although the earliest evidence was 9 years ago.)

How did you find the right counselor locally? I think if my WW turns around, I will want to find someone local who is pro-marriage. I don't think she would be open to a phone counselor as offered by DB.

[Vapo]

C, don't go running ahead now, you have more pressing issues to address now, you have to fix you first...

[CWOL]

C, don't go running ahead now, you have more pressing issues to address now, you have to fix you first...

Maybe a right MC/therapist can help fix me?