Still NC - Let's do the limbo pt2

[Sparkls]

I have a sneaking suspicion that when we look back on this years from now, we aren't going to regret that we didnt fight hard enough, didn't care enough. I doubt they can say the same.
I'm holding out hope that while WS is in colorado, his friend can slap some sense into him. And hope is a dangerous thing. I'm really tired of feeling right it about now.
How is it I can detach from all the patients I see every day. The 35 year old mother of 3 who has ovarian cancer, the 13 year old drowning victim. But I can't detach here, the one place I really would like to. I know it takes time, I'm only like 2 weeks post Dday but I don't quite have the luxury of time that everyone says is so important. I'm scared I'll move away in 3 months and any hope there ever was will be gone.

[Thornton]

It's hard to stay in the now. Looking far ahead is dangerous because who knows what will happen?

But it's so hard not to think so far ahead.

[broke]

Thanks for sharing your experience Tim.

I agree, sparks, we won't regret our efforts. We will be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and know we did everything we could.

Sparks - the worst thing you can do is panic. Don't pursue, beg, plead etc. I did that and it made everything worse. Like Thornton said - you can't look too far in the future. Do your detaching and db'ing and see how it goes.

[Thornton]

Why is this so hard???

I'm doing everythng I can to move on, my heart just won't let me!

Im going to IC, Alanon, DivorceCare, and taking AD's. I'm also reading books on Codependency and DR.

But it seems like she is just skating through life and care free.

It's hard feeling so rejected. I am willing to do so much for her, but she determined that still wasn't good enough to keep me around. How can I not feel deeply rejected?

Why am I so messed up and she's not? We were together for 5 years! I raised her daughter as my own from the age of 3! Her D called me daddy! How could she walk away and seem happier as a result????

[PigPen]

You're never going to get the answer to those questions Thornton. They may not even be true, or truth. You don't know how she feels on the inside, only what she's showing you on the outside.

Regardless, would you feel better if she gave you an explanation that made sense to you? Is there one? Is there anything you could hear that would make you stop and say, "Oh, I get it now. Whew, I thought this was going to be a rough ride, but I understand now."

We don't get that luxury. All we can do, and this is a BIGGIE, is grow to a place that we will be ok never having the answer to those questions. Grow is the key word there. The you that typed that last post isn't the man that will accept the lack of answers. The you that finally accepts the lack of answers is version of you that sees the world with different eyes, that feels the world with a different heart, and knows the world with a different mind.

Growing into that man is your spiritual challenge now my friend, nothing less, nothing more. And that growth only happens inside of you.

Sending you strength brother, we've all gotten our hearts ripped out here. It's how we patch them up and put them back in that makes the difference.

PP

[Thornton]

PP,

Thank you. I needed to hear this today. I just wish I could open my hands and let go. Let her go where ever the wind takes her. It just feels like this could be easily fixed, but she doesn't feel that way.

I know I can't force her to be with me, I've just seen her love me in the past like no one else has.

Thanks for talking me off the ledge...

[Sotto]

Unfortunately, none of us here, have a say in what our WAS's choose to do. What we need to do is somehow find the strength to accept this and learn to get ourselves together so we can move forward.

Of course this isn’t a easy thing to do at all and we do need to gather ourselves and dig deep. However, it takes time to get ourselves to the point where we can start doing this and I understand that.

It is important to realise that you both have journeys to take here. They are separate for now but may join again at some point in the future...

[Thornton]

Sotto, you have a way with words that always calms me down.

Thank you.

[HopeRB]

Thornton, I wrestle with the same exact questions and emotions, as I'm sure we all do. Wondering how he is able to sleep at night and skate through life and career without a care in the world. But, I've recently read on a book on the wayward's perspective and it really helped me to understand that they aren't having as much fun as it seems. Then again, everyone is different.

[Sparkls]

Curious what book this is you speak of :-p