Tough to follow Betsey ' s wise and articulate response, but I wanted to share that I've done a lot of work on finding compassion and understanding for my mother. I spent the first half of my life wishing she would be the kind of mom I wanted her to e.
She can't. She had a lot of unresolved issues that she is unable to work through. I have to accept that about her and try to see her as loving me the best she can-- because I know she does love me, even if it doesn't look or sound or feel like it sometimes.
I've also used it as a way to reframing myself with my daughter. I am more self-reflection and self-aware than my mom...so I can use it as a learning experience to be the kind of mom I wished I had (or maybe even to be the kind of mom my daughter wants and needs as best as I can).
That's been helpful too. Most of the time (when my own emotional state is in check), I can have patience and compassion. Sometimes, when I'm tired or sad, I can't. ..and I forgive myself for that too.
