Well, finally plucking up courage to post over 2 years after the Bomb Drop of discovering my husbands infidelity and having him walk out on our 2 children and I. I don't think he every uttered ILYBANILWY, simply advised he had been unhappy for years (gradually increasing amounts of years funnily enough) hoped in our only car and drove away.
The boys (then 10 and 11) and I have managed ok, infact we have been amazing and I have stalked this site for ideas and tips to look after us as best i can. Today i feel sick again and realise some of my coping may have been simply bottling things up waiting for this moment.
ExH (we are not divorced, but friends advise me he is engaged to OW who he drove off to be with and has lived with ever since) has not managed to make arrangements to see or talk with the boys (now 12 and 14) on a regular basis but drops in when it suits and lures them away with exciting activities and adventures.
ExH introduced the boys to OW 2 years ago because it was 'convenient'. Since then she has appeared on several occasions but not frequently as the boys have advised their Dad they would rather spend what little time they spend with him - just with him and not have to share him.
While trying to put healthy boundaries in place, i have supported the boys to go on adventures with their dad whenever they want because i understand they need him, he is there dad the only one they will ever have.
What makes me sick today and what i don't know how to manage is the sneakiness of him inviting the boys to do fun things - that part is good, i am ok with that - and including OW without having previously mentioned it. If the boys want to go on their Dad adventures they have to accept that she will be there. Even as i type i can see it is me who cant accept her being there, but i don't like that the boys are being manipulated bullied to some extent by their own father. It makes me feel sick. I would like to be the best me i can be, and think i get pretty close pretty much most of the time - but not today.
Today his behaviour is not ok and I dont want to condone it or have the boys condone it . i want to throw more than truth darts, i want to whack him on the head with a cast iron frying pan so he sees stars like in a disney cartoon, i want him to wake up to the lies and damage and hurt. But... the boys want to spend time with their dad, which means spending time with OW, which i feel reinforces that everything he has done and continues to do since he walked out is just fine. Oh i feel sick.
I have managed to keep the boys pre BD activities going - and they are considerable, i have finished renovating our marital home, sold it and moved. I have started full time work and been a full time solo parent. Just this week i realised that i don't think i can keep it all up - it is actually just a bit much for one person.
Any help appreciated - help to get through today and this new forever.
