As I mentioned earlier, h is moving to a new apartment. He says it's because there are structural issues with the building he is currently in and major repairs have to be done, but I don't know if that is true or not. He's mentioned several times in the past that he was thinking about moving.
Anyway, I awoke this morning to a text saying he had signed a lease on a new place and asked me to wire the funds from our bank to the landlord. He's paying the full amount up front and based on the amount I wired, it looks as though the lease is for a year. I don't intend to ask.
I know leases can be broken and that being there a year is not written in stone, but this just bites! In his old place he could have picked up and left anytime, but this new one ... IDK.
Anyway, I'm sitting here thinking, great ... another year of this!
It took a while to nail down what was in MY best interest and regardless of the R issues, where I'm at is the right place for now. I am happy with me and content with my life at the moment and no longer have thoughts about throwing in the towel. I'm good with where I am.
But this sitch gets under my skin.
I think what bugs me the most is I had to help him set things up by handling the wire for him. I feel like I'm just helping him keep his fantasy life alive. I know I could have said no but I don't feel like that would have been wise and would have set any progress we have made way, way back.
I also don't like feeling used and that's kind of how I feel right now. I try to remind myself that he has to do this and giving him the freedom to do it is the right thing to do. I feel like the fantasy life is a necessary evil in order for him to complete the journey.
But at the same time, I feel like it will only take him longer if life isn't difficult or a little uncomfortable. I wonder if stepping in and helping him more or less maintain his current lifestyle is the wrong thing to do? Will that just make it take longer for him to realize that I am worth coming home to. I sure don't want to lengthen this process!
I'm trying to keep in mind the progress we've made recently ... I'm no longer the enemy, he no longer dwells on all the things I "did" to make him unhappy, we're becoming more friendly, he's said some very nice things to and about me the past couple of months (when I didn't unexpectedly interrupt his life there), he recognizes he needs to fix himself and get help ... which he has done and is doing.
There's a lot of positive there I think?? It makes me wonder if enabling him to continue to live as he has is beneficial to the whole sitch? I have no idea, but such is the territory, I suppose.
OMG ... I'm beginning to sound like my brain is scrambled.
The one thing I do know for sure is I need to dig down for another big helping of patience so I can try to sit quietly by.
Good news is I have some time off scheduled for the end of the week. I foresee some major retail therapy on the agenda.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
