Dread Pirate Roberts

[1313]

Why did you confront your WW about her A?

Why did I confront her? She needed to know that I knew and that I would not allow her to stay in our house if she chose to continue with the A. I technically couldn't kick her out (at least not in my state) but she left. I simply couldn't stand the thought of her staying in our house if the A was ongoing. I don't know how anyone could put up with that but I guess a lot of people do. I also knew that she intended to separate in the coming weeks anyway. She hadn't told me but I had figured it out on my own while snooping.
Despite all the pain it has caused, I'm glad I know and I'm glad I confronted her. I honestly think it would have been easier for her to walk away from our M permanently if she had been able to keep it a secret. Now she has to be honest with herself in what she has done in our M and become accountable for that. She may not and choose to still walk away but she knows that I know and has to live with that for the rest of her life.
I actually never wanted her to leave. I was incredibly hurt and devastated but I didn't want to separate. I wanted to work on our R because I love her. I chose her to be my partner for the rest of my life. And when I chose her, I chose to accept the good and the bad. We celebrate the good and we work through the bad. I'm still willing to work on it but she has to decide that's what she wants too. Right now, she's decided she needed to separate and I have no control over that.

I have to say something here as it so mirrors my predicament.

This is exactly what I did. I was actually acting on the advice of another "marriage specialist", who said to not so much confront them, but tell them I knew this was happening, and request the affair stop.

However, things snowballed so quickly that by the time I did it, the W had already filed for D. This was the last talk I ever had with the W actually. I also emailed the OM and asked for the affair to stop.

Of course, the W denied everything. At the same time basically laughed at my request and said it was none of my business. She's denied the R to her parents, and even to the M counselor. Although the M counselor wasn't to fix things, only for her to tell me nothing could be done.

Her assistant has also denied an affair, but now I believe she's acting on behalf of the W and lying for her. I've seen the emails, I've seen the texts. Nothing explicit, but at 60 you're smart enough to not do that. It proves at the very least an EA and lying about her whereabouts. However, I think meeting up in Italy with the guy goes a bit beyond an EA.

Unfortunately it seems part of the process of the WW is to rewrite history. There never was "good". It's always been bad. In my case 30 years of bad. Unfortunately, with that sort of history I can't help but think there's got to be something inside of her for me still. Sandi's thoughts were unfortunately a cold shower as far as that fantasy goes.

If you consider that the WW is willing to lose everything for this D, and for the OM (who she pursued) then she's creating a new life for herself and it doesn't include me.

All we can do is remember what once was, and move on with no expectations.