Ups and downs

[JulieH]

He said that we do not get along. that I am not ambitious enough for him and not domestic enough for him. That it is not ultimatum, but a fact that I would either have to be super housewife or return to work full time. He said that he cannot come home from working full time and have to do everything. (He is right that I would need to increase my income now that kids are older and be more organized at home)

But he has also totally rewritten history on this. He forgets that before his company was bought over he was coming home and watching movies and playing video games at night to unwind and that he was waking up at 12 to go to work because he had flex hours. I was working part time and taking care of the kids which was not easy.

I asked him what he is looking for and he admitted someone like his mom (some of you might remember when I discussed what his mother did and why) he said that I am not like that and unable to meet his needs and he understands I am not that way and that he is not able to meet my needs of emotional and physical affection. And he is not that way and not a communicator.

He said he does not want either of us to compromise on our happiness. He feels that he compromised for so long in our relationship and was very unhappy.

He said he cannot see us getting along. I believe he said he would be willing to go to counseling and work on friendship because it would be beneficial for kids.

Regarding being a provider and putting so much time into work, I asked him (not in a threatening way) if he realizes that he is rejecting family to be a provider for them. That by divorcing eventually his kids will have new dad taking care of them and his wife will have other husband. What will be the purpose of providing? He said he thought of that.

I basically left the conversation feeling very bad for him. I feel sad and hopeless and not sure what to make of it. There is indefinite time limit on something that he does not seem to want to make work.

He said for all purposes we are divorced now. He said he wants no emotional connection with women right now.

I did not ask him about physical intimacy with other people, but will. If he said for all purposes we are divorced, does this mean he is having or has had physical relations? I know that he could lie based on semantics and I need to clarify this with him.