Back again 8 years later

[daybyday]

Just obsessing again while she's gone visiting a relative for a while. I mentioned the counselor and her mentioning the codependent relationship we have. I just have to wonder if somehow her conclusion is that it's a black and white issue. That because she feels this way that the only way to "fix' her is to get out and try to become independent. All relationships are codependent to some degree. I wish she would come to see that happiness and independence can come from a healthy marriage. I know that I have grown in the area of not being so possessive and allowing her to do her thing. But, I guess I lacked in some other areas such as affirmation and intimacy that comes from just paying attention. I will say again that she does love me and seems to be torn (by actions and things she says) but maybe she feels like bailing is the only way to get fixed. And it is so hard to not want to try and convince her of ways this thing could be so good. I don't think she sees that it could. It's so hard to just gal and wait for the other shoe to fall. I don't know. Sadness taking over again.

[Thornton]

Hey Buddy,

I know that sadness you speak of. It consumes us.

There is nothing you can do to get her to see the light. EXCEPT, become the lighthouse. Focus on you. Become so awesome for you, that anyone with 2 eyes and a heartbeat would love to be with.

Your W's complaint is codependency. How can you become more independent? I'm very much a codependent as well. It's hard to overcome, but it's possible.

It's not over, my friend. Use this time to become the best daybyday possible.

[daybyday]

Thanks Thornton. Trying. Finally a light went on yesterday about GAL activities. I was thinking new hobby, going out,etc. I didnt even think about the many projects at our house that need done. Trees to cut down, limbs to burn, rooms to straighten and clean out. I should be busy for awhile. Anything to keep busy. Hope youre doing better today.

[daybyday]

Thanks Thornton. Trying. Finally a light went on yesterday about GAL activities. I was thinking new hobby, going out,etc. I didnt even think about the many projects at our house that need done. Trees to cut down, limbs to burn, rooms to straighten and clean out. I should be busy for awhile. Anything to keep busy. Hope youre doing better today.

[daybyday]

It's one of those angry days today. I feel better on these days. I can focus on other things besides W.

[Thornton]

Yes, the anger is a nice break from the depression and loneliness.

[daybyday]

Have a question as to how to respond when W comes to me and tells me she has found a place to move to. What is a good response? I know it's coming and I want to be prepared. Also, she will be searching on her phone for furniture for her place and she will make a point to show me it and ask "isnt this couch cute". How am I supposed to apply to that? I want to say "Listen, I dont want you to go so any thought of that upsets me". Help!

[daybyday]

Anyone have any suggestions about above as I have a sick feeling that it is going to come up when I get home from work and I am not gonna be prepared?

[Thornton]

The only thing you can say is "ok". Dont fall apart when she tells you, it will sting, trust me.

Just say ok, when are you moving?

And leave it at that.

[daybyday]

Thanks Thornton. I appreciate it man. Such a simple reply makes sense but you know how in our own sitch we tend to think and overthink.