Ebbs and flows

[SciDad]

Update:

I'm still angry about my W's contact with the OM, but I will not let it eat me alive. I am trying to continue my detachment journey, and doing my best not to try to figure out what my wife is doing or what she wants regarding our future.

I know she wants to appear like she is trying to work on us. Staying at home all the time. Talking with me about her day. Now she's started making a big dinner once a week. She even made sure I continued with some GAL activities when I nearly abandoned them this weekend when my son got sick. But I remain skeptical. I'm not sure what I am waiting to for, what I am waiting to see/hear. But I know I'm not there yet.

Even though I am still in limbo this actually feels like a better version of what I've been feeling. I'm not confident, but I am calm. I believe what I am trying to do is not be washed and worn down by my wife's emotional ebbs and flows, but rather to become a rock of consistency that remains intact and true despite the tumultuous seas battering it. I need to be that rock not only for my emotional sanity, but also for my family. Although I think I've managed to mostly avoid acting my frustrations out on my kids, it's too easy for me to get carried away by my wife's emotions and then transfer them to my kids. IO am making a conscious choice to not let that happen.

So here is to being a rock. Not unfeeling, not uncaring. It's about not reacting. Thinking things through. Acting consistently with love.