It is perfectly ok to feel those emotions. You have been/are going through so much. And although you want to hide it from your D, its ok for her to know that you hurt, as well, in small doses or short convos. Cry, cry, and yell, and have imaginary angry conversations with H where you tell him all the things you feel. Its part of the process of grieving. Then go back to DBing. Part of DBing is changing things up and seeing if they work.
What does work to get him communicating? Do more. What drives him away? Do less.
You say he texts every day about financial things. Everyday? It sounds like he expects you to answer every time. Try not answering for a few days? Or saying your busy, you'll get back to him? Or maybe say you would rather he write down financial questions and come home for a sit down at scheduled times. Don't be convenient, just nice. Use the power you have (financial answers) to dictate interaction situations. Then show him the woman only a fool would leave.
He is making an effort to go to D's games. Is there a friend that you can attend with? Another parent or group of parents you can sit with? Seeing you sit alone would make him feel "normal" being alone. Seeing you surrounded by others, interacting, having fun would make him feel alone, I would think. Get a reaction. Creative 180's in the only interactions you have.
You ARE doing well, Nel. You are alive and breathing. It is hard to focus on you when you want H and miss him. But when you turn it around finally and think, what would I do with this time if he were on vacation and I wanted to just do things for me, then you can start finding ways to truly focus on you and your needs. Use that to GAL. Once again, you are doing well. Its ok to cry or curl into a ball right now.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
