Maybell XXXVIII: Settling In

[Mozza]

Thanks for the update Maybell. I am curious to see how things evolve for you. I'm especially happy that things seem to be developing well with New Guy. I was advised by my IC and a lot of my reading to stop projecting myself too much in the future, to go easy on the analysis. Why not just go with the flow? I understand the urge to bring up trust issues (too bad he took it personally, it's obviously not him), but how about keeping it for the moment where you do have problems trusting him?

As for your kids, I think you did the best you could do, that anyone could do. Life hurts and we can't protect our kids against all of it. As you said, we can only help them build resilience. Well done.

Regarding your mom, your (perfectly reasonable) expectations are hurting you. Think of her as an animal, with certain immovable characteristics. Would you get upset at a cat for sleeping so much? At a dog for running around? At a sloth for being slow? Obviously she's projecting on you what she can't do herself and that's why she's laying it so thick. I would venture that it's self-hate, nothing directed at you. Every time she lashes out on you, especially where it's hypocritical, remind yourself that she's really just talking to herself.

I've a theory on why Mr F. is chatty: he just doesn't know. WW was the first to dump me ever and, looking back on past breakups, I had the same kind of insensitivity towards my exes. I would want to be nice and chatty when I met them. One of them did put me in my place, and I backed off, but I don't think I got it until I got dumped. WW never got dumped and she's trying to be chatty and nice...