Unless we specifically tell you that you should repeat it to your W, please don't say to her what we say to you, okay? We are here to help you. The less you say to your W and D17 today, probably the better.

You keep saying how you are desperately hanging on and don't want to split. I think your W sees you clinching tighter & tighter, and she is fighting harder to get away. Release your grip. Let her feel free to leave. It is not what you want, but you cannot force her to love you. No matter how much control you have, you cannot make her love you, at this time.

My suggestion is to talk to the children separately. At least separate the boys from D17, b/c they don't need her drama monopolizing time with them. As for questions, I think they may have questions, but I don't any you would have of them. Just answer any they ask as honestly as you can. If you don't know the answer, tell them you don't know. Mainly, they need to know that this is not their fault, and that they will be taken care of by their parents. The boys, especially, probably need assurance that they will continue spending time with you and doing activities together. Some kids want to know if they will be moving away from their friends or have to change schools. Don't make any promises that you can't keep! The problem is between the adults and not your feelings for the kids, but the kids want to know how this is going to directly affect their lives now and in the near future (which adults don't always know how to answer).

I agree that the stressful emotions need to settle before meeting with solicitors, however, I think she'll see it as a stall tactic from you. Please stop telling her you don't want this. She knows you don't want it, Ghost, and the more you tell her.....the more she will fight you. If you will stop arguing and struggling, and show cooperation, I think things could go more smoothly. As you said, this is going to happen! Yes, it is. It can get worse, where the cops are called and someone goes to jail..........or be civil and get through it. You have to release the hold.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!