Letting go of her is not a guarantee she will turn around, but I think you have to protect your own emotional health at this time. If you truly let go, Trumpet, she will know it. You won't have to tell her or try and show her........she'll just know. Knowing that her H is "done" could go one of two ways. She may temporarily feel a sense of freedom, or feel you are calling "enough", which could shake some of the fog and she could even be attracted back. It happens all the time with women. So, I hope you can continue to feel detached and moving forward for yourself. If she does act as if she is suddenly wanting to see if you are still attached to her........play it very cool, b/c it will be tempt checking.
Once you let go, it may throw her more off balance and she may start grabbing at you for stability (support), IDK. If she was earnestly working to withdraw from the OM, then I would tell you to give all kinds of support, however, she was never fully on board (reluctant to transparency), and now is contacting OM and furious at you. In her rebellious mode, she is willfully removing herself from your umbrella of protection and provision.
Continue focusing on your new job. It seems to be helping keep you busy. She and OM may have another short breakup, or not. Basically, she has to see for herself without you trying to persuade or convince her decision. As you may know, I am a firm believer that the H of a WW should turn loose and let her alone to learn for herself. Once H let's go, then her attempts at blaming and resisting him for everything, gets more & more shallow........thus forcing some of the fog to lift and helping her see reality a bit more clearly. Obviously, every situation is a little different, and the spread of time varies.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
