Staying the Course Pt. II

[Zues126]

The mistake that most DBers make is they think their feelings are the measuring stick of their sitch. They aren't. It's a game of actions, not feelings.

You will feel how you feel. You don't get to decide how you feel. What you get to decide is what you DO. And if you do the right things, long enough, eventually you will feel better.

So, all of the questions about "should I stand or not", or "should I have hope", or "am I stupid to have feelings for him", "I feel like he'll never change but I'm not sure", etc...none of them matter if they won't change your immediate actions.

And they shouldn't! No one should be making life changing decisions based on their emotions during a meltdown like this. So your actions should be to detach, GAL, 180, take care of yourself, and keep breathing. And to avoid destructive behavior that would burn bridges.

So when you ask what the difference is between detaching and giving up, I look at the actions, and since there is no difference in action, I say there is no difference between detaching and giving up. But I also look at standing for your M, and since there is no difference in your actions there, I say there is no difference between detaching and standing for your M. In fact, there is no difference between standing and giving up either, unless you change your actions as a result and go down a bridge burning destructive road.

So my advice is to give up on your marriage while you keep standing for it and do both while detaching