After last night with him telling me things like the reason he can't get back together, or work on the future with me is because he doesn't like my ATTITUDE. He literally said I'm too NEGATIVE! OH MY GOD guys if you could have seen him say this to me...so unbelievable. He is just looking for these little things to nit pick me with. It's INCREDIBLE. I really had to try not to laugh and be disgusted at the same time. I just looked at him with such pity...I pity the FOOL, and let me tell you...he is a FOOL.
I woke up this morning and said, NO MORE CRYING. No more showing weakness. NONE.
I had a great day - sang in the shower, danced to music with D4 while he moped around. We went shopping and had lunch...
A mom and her kids were being bratty, and he looked at me and said "you look like you're so annoyed" because of them. I thought to myself...this is just my face. LOL. I wasn't annoyed, I could care less...but HE was annoyed. He was short tempered with D4 eating and she's always been a fussy eater. I don't pressure her, I hate pressuring food on any child and he knows that. He raises his voice and she cries. She's sensitive. He knows this....but it's like, he just doesn't care about those little things about her. It's all about him, all the time.
We did some grocery shopping, came back to the house. I suggested and we went to the park with D4.
Now, the day is over...he's sitting on another chair in the same room with me. We both have headphones on. He's typing away, I'm sure to his BFFs on the other side of the world. Ugh, I don't know why I care.
He actually told me that they - the people he spent time with overseas - meant more to him than myself and our daughter. How does that happen? Is it time, the distance? How do we become less than family?
180 and GAL. That's all I can do for now. Literally all I can handle. If there is someone else, I'll find out the truth soon enough. Right now my focus is just D4 and myself. How to prepare for my future and hers because she is special needs, and will need to have SOMEONE looking out for her future....especially because there's nobody else who can, or will.
Going back to the rules, the golden rules of this board. I say this over and over again and I don't commit. I never commit to anything. That's a 180. Fully commit...to myself, to GAL, to 180, to D4...FULLY.
