Time for a new direction

[mleigh4]

I am feeling really emotional right now. Figured I would journal a bit of my thoughts.

I am hurting for hurting my FIL. Not sure why it bothers me so much but it does. It's not his fault his son is lost, and he truly was the first "father" I ever had....

However, I feel like his parents bailed on me as much as H did. FIL checked on me at first, but of course, H came first and I was left to deal on my own. I am sure that is where much of my resentment comes from. Having no father and a dysfunctional R with my mother, they were my new parents.

They are now a part of a life and world I want to leave behind me, that I am moving on from. They were not there for me. The need to move on grows stronger and stronger....and it hurts....and it's sad....but it wasn't my choice. I have tried, really tried. I see this pile of rubber behind me, and H, MIL and FIL are all in it.

I feel I lashed out a bit with the key thing, I think it's my emotional state right now, so I am going to lay real low so I don't do anymore lashing. I really do want my keys back! Lol. But it isn't worth hurting anyone because I am hurting. It makes me no better than my H.

Anyway, feeling some strong sadness right now and a real desire to be done for good. Maybe I have had too much time on my hands to think. I have been begging for an answer, some guidance. I feel very alone and in need of some answers. They come as slow as the MLC'er moves!

Thanks for reading, I am sure I will snap back soon, just having a low moment