the road goes ever on and on...

[Maybell]

Zues, I just want to say one thing about the partnering thing. I'm sure you don't need it but other people read your thread too and I don't want it to go unsaid.

It is; Since I've been dating my New Guy, I have absolutely continued my GAL and it turns out, he likes me for it. GAL isn't something you do as part of recovery. It's something you do to explore yourself. In turn that makes you richer and more interesting if you ever do decide to partner up. It gives the other person something to observe so they can learn more about you, and it gives that person the opportunity to expand their horizons. Hopefully they've got awesome GAL and then you get your horizons expanded too, and ultimately both your lives incorporate all these great experiences and you're both better off.

I was talking to New Guy last night about finding your own happiness, too, and said -- sure, I'll take responsibility for my own happiness. But the essence of a good relationship is when the other person cares about you actually doing that, and appreciates your caring about their happiness. It's the difference between codependency and a healthy relationship. It's not just living two separate lives and sharing the washing machine.

Finally, wrt "no expectations..." When I first met New Guy I went off the deep end. I was erratic and panicky and demanding and I couldn't figure out exactly who I was. It wasn't until I settled down and learned to watch and listen patiently that things started working out between him and me. I think this is what "no expectations" really means. It's not about waiting for a frog turn into a prince. It's about giving yourself the time, space, and patience to see how things unfold, all the while keeping track of the importance of your own needs and goals.

But then, I'm only three months in so I am not necessarily the voice of wisdom here. And you're VERY CLEARLY not ready to date so I'm only saying this to ring the bell for future consideration. I think partnering up when you're ready can be a lovely way to discover yourself and heal from wounds, and have a ton of fun too. But don't do it till you can be a gift to the other person and be willing to receive what they have to offer with generosity as well.