Long time

[Nel]

Thanks, Cil. I really don't feel like I'm doing well. I've really really struggled these past few days....breaking down crying quite a bit. I miss my H so much. I haven't contacted him, yet he has texted me every day but always about financial things.

I went dark last year, and it worked. He missed me. This second time through I just don't think he'll give in to missing me again even if he does. Look at where we are again. He wanted to change his life because he wasn't happy, so he's getting rid of me and he has his new house in a different town, so really he is starting fresh. I am having such a hard time handling this. I just can't get my mind off of him. I'm venting here because I can't talk about this to anyone else.

This weekend I did go to a cancer survivor event. That made me feel grateful that I've been cancer-free for a year and a half. When I remind myself of that it puts things into perspective. But then the hurt and rejection comes back again.

I need help. I'm really struggling and trying to hide it from my D.

Nel