I have to see him tomorrow because he is SUPPOSE to give me my half the income tax money and then watch the kids.
Yes he is already mad at me for going NC on him and not talking to him today. Why does it matter. He does it to me ALL THE TIME.
I already know if he threatens for sole custody he can never get it BECAUSE of his job.
They are required to work overtime and work 12 hr shifts days and nights rotating and he can work 5-6 days overnights in a row.
My L said no judge would ever give him full custody because the kids would be in daycare 7 days a week and who would watch them overnight?
As soon as (if) he gives me income tax money I will be opening my own account and using that money to start paying my L.
He said if I can give him 1500$ he could prob make H pay the other 2-3000$.
I should be able to get a cna job by the end of march. I am working very hard to get the job.
I do not plan on telling H where I work or my hours. Only days he has the kids or when we need to coordinate I will say okay pick them up from daycare or whatever.
I am really confused with myself on why I want him back and so in love with him.
Is it because I have been with him since I'm 17?
Is it because I feel like no man will want a divorced 24 yr old with stretch marks and 2 kids?
Is it because I am used to him controlling me?
Is it because I truly love him and want to make my M work no matter what?
Is it because he is the father of my kids?
Is it because my dad left my mom and us kids and it was so hard on me that I cant bare to go through that again?
Is it because I'm scared of having to be alone?
Is it because seeing him happy with someone else and having someone else play mommy with my kids will hurt?
I do not know anymore. After my awakeing of how controlling he is right now and KNOWING it will get worse I feel..different.
I have not cried since realizing that. I havent smiled. I have just been not empty..but not peaceful..just kinda.. I don't know. Blah. I don't feel hurt or happy. I know I have a fever too now.
Side note I have lost 35 lbs now I weighed myself on my moms scale. 10 lbs and I HAVE LOST 100 lbs.
