My foundations took a rocking when I read Cali's latest posts, it has taken me some time to stop the shaking I feel in my bones. When I (and probably most newbies) joined this board I read so many threads, searching for hope, wanting to know that reconciliation is possible and it does happen. I came across Cali, he was my Hope.
As time has gone on, it has become less about reconciling with my h and more about my own journey, my own growth, trials and tribulations, my successes.
I then got what I wanted to hear, those words from h that I never thought I would - "I want to be with you". But little did I know that it was not going to be that simple, that it was just the start of my next chapter .....or three ...or ten, and Cali's latest twist in his story has highlighted how uncertain and unpredictable my sitch will end for me.
It has taken me rolls of industrial duct tape, titanium handcuffs and every distraction I know to not contact h and bombard him with questions and demands of "knowing where I stand". I did really well .....until today. Well, this is me and I am not known for going by the book am I !!
h text me this morning about our car project, we had a short text convo about it and then I wrote the text - in my head I was not going to push send, but I did, it was gone and well what is done is done.
Thankfully it turned out ok -ish.
So I text " Its been a couple of months since xmas, u haven't talked about it, whether ur can stayed sealed or moe worms escaped - i'm thinking the latter as you have not wanted to spend anymore time with me. So if poss, sometime when you have had time to gather your thoughts, I'd like to know how things are with you - just keeping me in the loop."
h replied " Of course. Give me a day or 2 to get things into some kind of order that will make sense and I'll be in touch. Being with you is still very much my focus"
I replied. " thank you - and that's good to hear so thank you for saying that".
So I await to hear how he is doing.
Other news - I went back to the Dr for the second lot of blood results. He has put me on a 2 month trial of diclofenac to see if that helps with the pain in my joints. So far, its not a magic pill but does take the edge off.
My second set of bloods included thyroid as I have a history of a Mulitnodular Goitre which resulted in hyperthyroidism, I was treated with radioactive iodine (which my boys got excited about as they read I would have glow in the dark pee for a week, but it was not true - dont ask lol). That was in 2011 so after 2years monitoring I was discharged. My last scan was in 2014. So my bloods came back showing my TSH is 5, which is subclincal hypothyroid, the opposite direction ugh. As the count is high but not too high I have to have repeat blood test end of March. But the count is high enough to contribute to why I feel so tired and my mood is low, it can also give joint pain - sigh.
But good news is that the mole is fine ....age ....oh yes, he actually said its my age lol. I had photos taken with a special camera and it explained to me - just looked like lots of little circles, which is apparently a good thing.
Work wise - still plodding along. I am on holiday this week, I haven't planned much, maybe catch up with a couple of g/friends, maybe a visit to the beach. Just time away from work is nice.
So that's all from me. Nothing exciting I am afraid, but perhaps that's a good thing. No drama.
