Thorn, I have to admit, I'm not nearly as excited as I thought I would have been to hear those words. 6 months ago, I would have been jumping up and down with joy. Running out and finding any box I could get my hands on and trying to move this along. Now it's kinda like whatever... I do still care for her. I do think she's a very attractive girl. I see her in a different light now after all the hurt I've dealt with.
I think my best move at this point is sleep on it for a few days and continue doing what I'm doing. Let this all sink in before making any move at all.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Now it's kinda like whatever... I do still care for her. I do think she's a very attractive girl. I see her in a different light now after all the hurt I've dealt with.
Funny how that happens huh? No advice from me on this one. Interested to see how it plays out though. I know one thing everyone says here is that we can't take them back that easily. I am sure someone else will offer you some sound advice. Nothing wrong with taking it nice and slow.
Hi Uphill, I'm pleased to read about this development. I would agree that you don't need to make any sudden moves or big decisions. Instead of her talking about 'coming home' I wonder whether you might both think about testing the water for yourselves by 'dating' for a few months without making any big decisions? Or you could just consider doing a few things as a family and rebuilding a friendship.
I don't think the decision needs to be as big as 'come home or not' at this point - it could be as small as 'have coffee together next week' if you want it to be.
Take care and good luck with things xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
My W started to reconcile, but I didn't lay ground rules well at all. She's back to texting her OM in other city.
Be REALLY careful. Surgeon-precision careful. Let her talk. Hold your hand close to your chest. Actions, my friend, actions.
Has she gotten the help to understand where she was wrong? If not, you're headed for Groundhog's Day. Lather, rinse, repeat. If she's just intrigued that you might have another woman in your life, she's looking at you as an easy conquest. Is she stable? On meds? Where in life is she headed? What does forgiveness look like to her? What does selfless love to make the marriage work look like? What are your unfulfilled needs that were not met before, and would have to be met now to feel loved? What does she need to feel loved?
Put it on paper. Don't just talk about it. Write yours down - be very specific. I think your attitude of 'whatever' is actually a good one - you have built up a bit of space, and that is for your protection. She needs to see that - you are no longer hers to play with. It's just SO easy to let the heart slip back into the old slot it once was.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Thank you everybody for all the great advise! I am obviously a bit overwhelmed right now and not going to be trying to decide anything very quick.
A lot of how this will happen, carries the weight of her having to find a different job. We discussed quite a bit, and for me to consider anything further means she won't be employed where she is now. That leaves 2 options. She either has to find a new job like right now. Or be unemployed. I am fine with either one, the problem is if it turns out to be unemployed, things are going to almost have to move a bit faster... There's no way I can cover any more expenses to have her live separately at this point. I am financially tapped out. Don't get me wrong, my bills are paid, there's food on the table. Just not any extra to keep our living situation if she's not bringing in an income.
Stays quo for now, not going to make any sudden moves of any sort.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
XF called today right after work. Was talkative and cheery so I just kinda played along. After a few minutes she hinted about plans for this weekend, as in if I have any for S4 and myself. I extended an olive branch and invited her along with us. Nothing big planned, but thought maybe I could feel things out a little bit if she decides to join. She did sound excited to be included, I said if you can that's cool, if not no biggie. So I guess see what comes of that...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
