Staying the Course Pt. II

[HopeRB]

Ciluzen, that's really great that you were able to do that kind of soul searching while allowing yourself to feel what he felt. I've been doing this more and more and when I start to get really down to it, it hurts so much. And yes, I can actually feel myself feeling the same pain he feels. I'm still trying to dig deep down and I agree, it's already enough to make me feel why would he even want to come back to that?! But it also highlights what I need to work on. So I'm left confused and again like you, makes me loose hope for any chance of R, especially since I'm doing this all on my own hope to begin with. When I think back on the things I've done and the baggage I've carried into this M, I'm surprised he put up with as much as he did. I messes up a good thing.

Now I know what everyone will say: I know it's not all my fault either and that H chose to take actions without clarifying/working through these things with me too. Actually H tried in his own way, but I just dismissed him. I'm such a fool for that. I can only hope that in my next R (with or without H), I do not react this way when a concern is brought up. Everything you wrote is exactly how I feel. I'm just focusing on the one thing I can control, myself.