Still learning AU Bob

[Sotto]

Hi Bob, yes just maybe send them over with a pleasant note. If you want to propose a way forward on the bills, just do that and ask her to let you have what you need by a certain date, or come back to you with any concerns.

Take care

[AU Bob]

Yes that would seem to be the way to go.
It's funny she seems to be doing better at DBing than me!!
Finally got my copy of DR started reading last night.
I am at a bit of a crossroad now, not sure if I really want her back, My life seems reasonably good and I am not sure if I want to be the person she wants, or what she told me was wrong with me anyway.

[Vapo]

Do, dude, you DO NOT want to be the person SHE wants, you want to be the person YOU want to be, only problem is, that right now you do not know yet who you want to be.

But you are getting there. You are doing well, better than you think you are...

[AU Bob]

Hi Vapo
Yes that's my point, I am happy being the person I am now. When they leave it makes you take a long hard look at yourself, you start to see the things you took for granted and behaviours you never really thought about. It gives you a new perspective and understanding on who you are and who you have become. It also makes you look at who your partner has become and wether or not some of the things you did had an impact or influence on their behaviour.
I have worked hard on improving myself and eliminating some of the behaviours and line of thoughts that were making me not shine like I should.
She told me she knows she had issues and that it was not all my fault, she realises this, but does not want to change, she wants to be who she is, and not have to make changes to help our M. She just wants to be who she is now and do what she wants and have no guilt.
I don't like the person she is now and neither do my children.
Until I can see that she is out of the fog and knows that her behaviour Is not right, I don't want her back.
It's very difficult when you are sitting somewhere with them and you see the same person who you have known for 30+ years and it is not them! the body is the same but someone else is residing there now, it's just no them, Its like your sitting with a stranger!
I am at the point now where I have let go, I have dropped the rope, I don't really care what she is doing, I have my own life and for the first time in a long time I am happy, sleeping again and enjoying going out, productive at work again and enjoying my children and grandchildren.

[AU Bob]

I suppose I am a bit out of place here at this stage, most people are really suffering.
I would like to say to people here that with time things do get better, just hang in there and keep DBing.

[broke]

AU Bob,

I appreciate you sharing your experience and saying it will get better. I feel like I am in the thick of it right now. Made so many mistakes at the beginning, H felt backed into a corner, filed for D, bought a house and told me he has no hope for reconciliation. I didn't start db'ing until about 3-4 weeks ago, still hoping for a miracle second chance, but trying to focus my db'ing on myself. So glad to hear that you are no longer suffering, that things get better and we should continue db'ing. It really does help those of us in the midst of the storm to hear that....thank you

[AU Bob]

We have all been there and are still there. I think it's the fear that really gets us.
But we attracted someone before, if it dose not work out it's not the end of the world.

[AU Bob]

Where is my old mate Zues
I need a bit of encouragement!

[AU Bob]

Not much to report, been doing my GAL stuff, spoken to her twice in the last month.
Her birthday next month, im just going to send her a text happy birthday.
She is competing in an obstacle course next month just going to wish her good luck by text.

[mvgfwd2]

I wouldn't even bother with the texts.