Do you think I need to stand up and put an end to sharing the house and let him take the kids?
My views about your WH are unprintable. I certainly think you must cease sharing the house, stay in your home and keep your children. Stand absolutely for the values of M and for your children. You are doing well so far.
Do I need to move on and give up all hope of a R?
Please make no decisions whilst you are emotional.
These are my opinions for you to consider, if your WH married you, had children with you and is cynically only interested in sex with you, it seems to me this is abusive behaviour and it could also be personality driven. That is deeply concerning behaviour and truly uncaring,
I am going to give you the link to the abuse thread so you can examine this for yourself.
I can only give you a view from what I read and what you do is your choice. My advice is not to be triggered by your WH in any way. And to record interactions. It is easy to be triggered to lose your home and to be accused falsely of all sorts of things. Please do not date or even consider it.
If you need to protect yourself then as a defensive strategy only get a non molestation order (OP) against WH and thus to keep him away from you and the house. In his field of work that could be detrimental to his career advancement, let your L deal with this.
From now on my lovely he should have no access to the house any handover with the children should be on neutral territory.
Do not under any circumstances leave your home at this stage not even for for one night.
And document everything he does.
I just need people to tell me really what they think.
I think your husband is behaving abusively and without doubt emotional and verbally abusive at this stage. I call behaviour not the person so I say behaving in this way.
I know even now he has no rush for the D but is it really just about the money..and making sure he is fine as long as possible?
Yes I do and have done so since I started posting to you. One of the reasons I have been one of your supports here encouraging. you to seek an L. All of this has to be your choice as always take my view into consideration.
I think you need IC not MC and fast. Throw every resource you have in supporting you. In the UK I would be telling you to go to victim support if WH continues as I found that very helpful.
Because right now he can afford the life but with a D he is screwed and will be broke.
Absolutely, I think its about control and resources.
I will go read up on mustardseeds stitch as well.
I recommend it. I would particularly like you to read how her WH triggered her reactions and then accused her of being abusive to keep her away from her children, she was a STHM mainly. I wished that I had stated my views more strongly but at the time I didn't know as much as I do now.
Posters were able to help Ancaire to get it together after her crazy town incident triggered by her WH.
I think the A was going on before maybe emotional then he left and it went physical..or maybe it was physical before. I do not know. I just know it hurts.
It really doesn't matter when or how although I know it hurts very much. It has been going on for a long time of that I am sure.
He is a vengeful angry person at times. I have never had to deal with it but seen it with others. Maybe I need to be prepared for the tornado.
That is the reason I am so concerned for you.
Your WH may have access to resources you don't have as a result of his job connections so this time after separation is a very dangerous time for you. Be extra careful sweetheart.
There are three types of abusive behavours the first is systematic abuse which derives from personality, it will have been with him since before you knew him and as long as you were codependent and did as you were required all will be ok. My WH was of this type and i think he had MLC and addictions as well. The second type is situational, change the sitch and the behaviour changes, I think many MLCers are like this (but that's not where my knowledge is). The final type is reactive which is V and her screaming banshee and a little of how you feel.
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These are my unvarnished opinions and may not be that which you want to hear. I am on the side of caution. It would not feel to me like I was supporting you if I placated you. I want to comfort and support you to be strong, your children need you to be strong. Your future and theirs depends on it.
I am very concerned for you and your children and you need your L by your side immediately. The next few weeks will be crucial in your sitch.
Be careful around a vengeful man, I am fully expecting tricks. This is grief and there will be plenty of time to collapse and fall to pieces later. For now, hold it together and use your strength to stay safe. I think I referred to this in my sitch as my 'steel time', I needed to be strong at core so I put on my suit of armour even though I quivered and shook on the inside and even though every emotion was running riot. Calm, breathe, hold it together, have a great collapse later when there is air and you are through this.
Cards, Close and Chest.
NC is the best strategy. You need a second burner phone too, one strategy that's quite common is for an abuser to destroy phones. On the basis it deletes Intel and recordings. So back up your phone, there is a piece of software called Feem which allows you to transfer from phone to PC and visa versa.Set yourself up with a new email account and email docs to it or use Dropbox. Email is better it gives you an audit trail. You can share the logon details with your L.
Big Big hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
