Stepping in a Different Direction

[Pax_luv]

Hi MB, Cil, and Pinn!
The detail I went into above was to recap the downfall of the marriage and how it related to the "having kids" issue. This was occurring in early 2014.

The doctor said the alopecia I had was the same kind they see when patients have some sort of extreme trauma (car accident, etc). In a sense,I was traumatized in life! H was spinning, I was trying to develop my career and I also had the "having children" issue weighing on me...while not feeling counsciously safe in the relationship. It was a really tough time and I worked so hard every day to try and keep it together for everyone involved. I was great at stuffing it all in. I also never ever shared my marital issues with anyone b/c I didn't want to disrespect my husband. I loved him.

After all that, things continued to get worse. H was still dealing with childhood issues, he lost a big lawsuit. He told me he wasn't kidding when he gave me the two month timeline. We went to therapy, but even the therapist said he clearly wasn't interested in working on the m. It was more like he went just to say he "tried". After that, I got the ILYBINILWY speech... I continued to work on the m... And then h told me he was paranoid about why I hadn't left the house. Since I was desperate to make it work, I suggested the trial sep because I would do anything to save it... And if it meant moving out, then so be it. H didn't make it through the trial sep before he started dating.

Fast forward to today and I am doing so much better. The brick on my chest is gone, I am balanced and healthy, my hair grew back super quick (I was still taking pre-natal vitamins during this time so it helped). My career is great. I am getting out and GALing. The only thing missing is h and my m. That's it. I think I'm way stronger now and know I don't need him and am pretty sure I don't want him. As of now, we have zero connection... He's shown no interest or remorse, disappointment, regret... nothing.