I'm sorry your having such a rough time right now, I know that desperation of feeling like your loosing it àll but please listen to me, your not loosing, your gaining. You get the chance to find you and when you do youe going ti feel like a f'ing rockstar. I completely understand the pain because my W was my first and only partner also but it is not the end. We had dreams and shared everything and somewhere along the way we both neglected the M. You don't need to state what those things are in your case, it's in the past and crippling your present. The only thing you can do about them now is learn from them and tell yourself you won't make the same mistakes in the future, with her or someone else.
I wish I could show you that being separated or even divorced from the woman we thought would be there forever isn't that bad. I know it's not what you want to hear and there may still be a chance she wakes up in the future but you will be fine no matter what. I was just as bad a year ago, a crying mess desperate to talk to her. There were times when she told me certain things I would fall to my knees crying like my life was over, no G, my life was just beginning.
My W is dating OM2 right now and I felt the exact same as you have a year ago. My kids are in their rooms and spend more time with me than with her each week. My apartment is awesome and I have freedom and ways to act like I never have before. In house separation was hell, pure hell. Getting out of there allowed me to begin to find who I really was and discover my own happiness, just as it will with you. I've read how to speak about your job and hobbies so I know there's an amazing guy in you also. He's just enmeshed in W and what she's doing. Let her go G, you are going to be more than fine. If W comes back in the picture later on you will be the strong man that can build a new M with her. If not you will be the strong man who build a new M with someone else eventually.
Take care of you. You have children that depend on you and if anything ever happened to you it would devastate them more than you know. The kind of devastation that ripples through and effects their entire lives.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
