Rednail: OW confirmed..going dark

[Vanilla]

I like what NYGAL is saying to you. I also like the view expressed that WH may be projecting as this gives WH control.

My view on WH is slightly different from others here and although you would like an R, I see WH needs a great deal of help to lose his sense of entitlement and help with control issues. His frustration with losing control and swearing at you calling you names bothers me a great deal. OW is of little long term impact, a woman who sleeps with her once besties WH in their home and stays the night when her children are there so they can be aware is just about as low they go. Its as bad as it gets, mainly because it was deliberate, they had to choose to be in your home. They could have chosen a hotel on a day when you were in the house. Its crowing and posing and ensures maximum damage to your R, manipulative and crummy.

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>WH was following you around the house before you uncovered the A, unsure of how much you knew.

>Checking up on you all the time, texts calls

>concerned about his finances and believes he has few commitments

>Is spewing and ranting because you stand up for yourself

>Wants his A with a woman he knows was your best friend and whom you helped and assisted (knows she is pond scum)

>Had this OW in your home and in your MBR (knows he is a scum bag and feels entitled) I have always believed your D4 (out of the mouths of babes)

>Checks up on your movements because he knows if you have a bf it will be cheaper for him but that he will lose control

>Controls the money would prefer to pay the bills and you end up texting him the bills to pay

>Is closed about his sitch at work and with his family to save face

>Checks about everything to do and I doubt he is unsure, just wants to appear that way

>The house is in his name and yet you have children, he has treated it as his house alone

>He wants to tell you exactly where you live and how (with your mum)

>He works in a field where inmates are controlled in their environment and he is weird at work (your words)

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This is control and WH has a fear and that fear is loss of status and resources.

I do not think he has any worries you have a bf because he wants you, he is concerned that he will lose control. His motivation is control in my view, if he loses control then he will become angry. It must be occurring to him that you are not going to be a pushover and that you will require resources for yourself and your children. This interferes with his scripted view of how his world should be. Any time soon the full reality will hit him in the face and you may be the target of his frustration and anger.

This type of sitch is dangerous when you let go WH may become quite vengeful. Please be very careful and concerned for your safety.

This name calling is verbal abuse, I would like you to put a boundary on it. You are the mother of his children and that gives you the right to respect.

WH if you swear at me then I will hang up on you, I feel disrespected when you do this. As the mother of your children I feel I am entitled to your respect.

Then if he swears at you again and calls you names hang up.

WH if you send me abusive texts then I will not reply.

Record your calls and save your texts, print them out.

Your sitch worries me a great deal and there is a lot in it that reminds me of Mustardseed's sitch (and a little of Ancaire) at this point in your R. Your WH wants what he wants when he wants it. He seems to me wilful and controlling and he is losing control, he has gone too far.

Please protect yourself and be safe. WH may try to use your need for connection and possibly sex to control you, a tactic often used by WW. If this reinstatement of control doesn't work he may start becoming very angry. I am considering a mechanism for triangulation and I think this A may have been going on longer than you thought although this does not quite fit. They are too comfortable in your home.

Above all be safe, gather your safe girlfriends around you.

This is what I see, WH is in an environment at work where he has a great deal of structure and there is a great deal of control. You are not an inmate in an institution, you are a free woman.

Take very great care

Hugs

V