Like you I don't have much love for mind either as all this is down the situation we are in. When I read your post what strikes me is the word FEAR.
What are you afraid of?
You can't cope on your own? You are already doing it and very well. Your kids must be proud to have such a great mum.
You being single? Sorry to bash it, unfortunately we both are, so no need to fear this as you are coping well. We all have ups and downs, and tomorrow is another day :-)! Have faith in God. Strange for me to say that as I'm a believer, unfortunately not a strong one until my situation!
Fear of not being loved? You are loved by your kids, your family and all of us here. I fully understand that you want someone to love you, although if you don't love yourself who will?
Fear of being in a loveless marriage? Weren't we in one of them as we are here? We all have our faults, and I truly understand the meaning of being patient, look after yourself and become the better you! We have had our back against the wall, we need to do the work on us. We have reached rock bottom, our H haven't and we can't change that.
For your H putting work before kids, mine is doing it right now! Don't be fooled by it as your kids will always know that you have always been there for them. In your H case, I see it as a way to avoid dealing with the situation. That's what mine told me, for him working stopped him from thinking, being involved in an A was his way to distract himself from the real issues. We are dealing with it now, they stent and keep avoiding it until one day the pain will be too hard to hide and they will need to face the music. By then we probably won't be around as we would have done all the hard work now, and leading a happier life.
Keep faith and be strong. You are coping well everyday.
