It might be a good idea to not listen to music you shared with W... It's really like picking at a scab... It's bound to make you focus on her and the R, and that's not what you want to do right now.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
NY, you did great not sending her that song. Very proud of your progress! Yesterday you hung out with your new friends and went hiking. Any GAL plans today that will keep you around supportive people? You're doing great, keep doing what you're doing because you're making progress. ((((NY))))
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Last game of the season and it's over. I went alone, sat with various friends and right behind W at one pint since that's where my friends were. Awkward. She left for a while and I thought I saw her with ow leaning in close and intimate. I began trembling. Then I could see it wasn't them and the relief was overwhelming.
I moved down to the floor and acted as if I was having a great time cheering the team on to victory. Smiling, clapping, laughing w a friend, all the while dying inside. Games for 22 years and now I don't know if I'll ever go to another one. Please remind me this is the right thing to do. To do nothing. To try and have fun and lmove away from her? Like MB has asked so often isn't there anything else we can do? Know that there are no more games and less likely to see her, and I'm afraid she'll forget me. Im afraid she'll move forward with ow. But I must say I thought her eyes look sad. I like to think I still know her better than anyone else. I want to believe we're not done, I need some encouragement.
Do you want to go places where I think she'll be, having a great time, I want her to see me having a great time. I want her to see me moving on. I want her to be jealous instead of just me being jealous. Does this really work if I don't even see her?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Not knowing what you're doing is WAY better than her seeing you.
The mental games you play, thinking of W being with OW, are being played by you W when you go dark.
It makes her think WAY more than showing her you're still there, still talking with her. Going dark, NYGAL, is the absolute way to go. You have to have some muscles to do it - it takes having some of the hurt not right in front of you so you can make logical, non-emotional choices. You thinking she looks sad is projecting - get the point you don't care.
That takes some mental muscle. Learn to find that muscle.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
To do nothing and NC is what everyone keeps telling me too. I think it is suppose to help us be less attached and needy to the walk aways who we are so desperate to have regardless if they deserve such amazing people like we are.
I am pretty new to the board and to db'ing, but I can tell you this: I did the opposite of db'ing for 6 months and it got me nowhere. Well, it got me a H who moved out, filed for D, bought a house and told our two teenage boys that he was proceeding with the divorce.
In the past 3 weeks, I have detached, done a 180 where I am civil to him (no longer raging anger about affair) and my H sent me several kind texts yesterday and we had a family lunch today. Now, I am not sure what that really means - it may mean he just wants to be friendly co-parents. But I do know that detaching has also helped me be a better parent and overall person by GAL'ing and trying to make myself a better me. So, I am hopeful - at this point, do we really have anything else to lose?
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Today I woke up and wasn't quite as horrified as I am every other day, so that's progress. I am humbly asking you all to stay with me as I go through this. I have some big decisions to make. One is, I may get a job offer to move to Boston. It might be the best thing that ever happened to me, or it may be a disaster if I can't handle it. I want my W back. That's my most important goal. Boston is a long ways away from here. It would be a great GAL, but I'll be several SEVERAL states away. Just 10 days ago she said she's giving serious thought to coming back to me and that she's not happy with ow. But then I told her not to contact me as long as she's with ow. I saw her twice during the week (once by chance and once I thought she might be at the same presentation I went to.) Then of course I saw her Friday night at the game and Sunday at the game. So there's really not been NC at all. I didn't talk to her at either game. Not even eye contact on Friday.
What if I get the job offer today or tomorrow? Should I tell her and try and figure out what she thinks about me moving to Boston???
Does she still love me? Miss me? Could it all have changed in 10 days?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
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