NC is very hard to do. But it's what you need to do. It's the fastest way to feel better and give yourself a sense of power.
It won't happen overnight so you have to just trust the process. You have some experienced people giving you their advice because they have been there before. Learn from their mistakes, and you will be ahead of the curve.
I know how bad you are hurting, we are all here for you. You can do this, Red. Focus on taking very small steps for right now.
I am going to do this. I have plans for church tomorrow. If he calls or texts be polite and detached even if it kills me, and major boundaries when it comes to us. No more talking about us, wanting to know about me, check if I am safe, etc
Do I respond to his retarded h Kid calls [censored] as which show they want to watch on netflix? What to feed them for lunch? What jacket d5 should wear to school?
Try to see your H's contact for what it is, he is trying to stay connected to you. He doesn't want you to go too far.
If his A doesn't work out, he wants to make sure you are still around.
Don't make it easy for him. Make him doubt himself. Let him feel the fear of not knowing if he made the right decision to leave you. The only way to do that is to go no contact.
When he texts, he doesn't really want to know about the kids. He wants to know you will respond. He is in an A, that's all he cares about.
He uses the kids as his connection to you. Pull way back. Make him sweat.
YOU are a beautiful, loving, caring, kind person. Know your worth.
I completely agree with Thornton. What mom has time to answer all those questions with two small children anyway?! It seems kind of controlling, too. Like he wants to make sure you are still abiding by all his parenting rules. I know it makes you worried about him telling the L that you refuse to talk about the kids. Would it make sense to schedule one time a day to communicate about the kids? That way, you are covered if you are nervous about what he says about co-parenting yet you also are detaching and not letting him stay connected to you by asking frivolous questions about the kids. I hope others add their thoughts, too.....I am sure that this is not the first time this situation has come up. My sons are teenagers so it is not the same type of situation.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Yes brooke! Before the A was confirmed even a few days ago he calls to ask about netflix shows, what to do with kids, if I'm home safe(if I went out), if I had fun out, what the kids should have for lunch, random all the time things! All the time..some days bug me at 1-2 am to check on me if I was out. I tried being distant but I never was TOO distant.
Tmi but even with his affair when he is here he walks around with like b*ner half the time( i can see it) and I know he wants me. Ive had to ask him not to smack my butt, brush my cheek, kiss me..and now it disgusts me that he did this while having an A.
The day before I confirmed the A he was extra flirty and sweet and I think it was the day we had accident like heat of the moment sex since I caved. It was hot, kissing, loving, really good sex too which makes it hurt even more.
I regret it so bad now. So bad. I mean I regretted it then but knowing about the A makes me feel worse. He literally was cake eating us both. Cheating on us both.
I think that is why I'm having a hard time digesting. That he got me to cave and got what he wanted and then I found out.
Thornton I def. am pulling back on myself. I know I have to respond about the kids but I never know how much if too much.
I will figure it out.
Honestly do not know what I wouls do without you guys.
My moms lecturing me on getting a divorce now and I'm just hiding in my bathroom crying because I just want her to shut it and hug me.
Just to clarify he asks me that atuff when HE HAS THE KIDS. It is like he has no idea what to do AND has to ask me 1001 baby questions.
Where is s5 shoes? Can she wear the pink shoes? Can s3 take tylonel? Etc etc he called me 6 times about netflix.
I was out in orlando shopping. I missed 2 calls, got call 3. What show does s3 and d5 want to watch. I cant find it. I'm like I have no idea! Just pick one. They wanted a specific one. Missed 2 calls got the 3rd, to tell me he found the show. Texted me on and off until 2 am asking random questions about kids. 11:45 pm hey did d5 have homework? Make it home safe? I'm like yes but it is due friday so she will be fine. 1:55 am can they eat oatmeal for breakfast? Yes they can. Him: why are you awake at this hour, you should be aleeping.
I would let him know he made his bed, he now has to be a great dad, and figure this out on his own. If there are emergency questions, you should let him know to text you.
Time for him to grow up a bit and be the father he didn't know he could be. It will maybe put some shock and awe into your situation.
I'm so sorry Rednail. Let others around you help to steer your ship. it's not good to steer by sheer emotion.
We all make mistakes. Some are life changing. It sounds like he made that kind of mistake, but doesn't realize it. A drunk hitting someone and killing them is tragic, and avoidable. But they didn't think anything but about themselves. Affairs are all about medicating the betrayer. They are the weaker link, and let him figure that out. Be the stronger Rednail that you only dreamed you'd be. It looks like a huge elephant is in front of you. Just eat the elephant - one bite at a time. I'm watching your thread. Keep posting. You have frinds here.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
