Sounds like you are making strides, B. That's awesome man, keep going.
I agree with you, it's tough to look in the mirror and recognize we played a part in this. It hurts me too. Sometimes its easier for me to play the victim, to point fingers at her and assign blame.
My waw isn't a bad person either. But it makes it so much easier for me to detach when I think about all the sh!tty things she's done. How hypocritical of me huh? Like I wasn't an ass sometimes.
I'm realizing there are no shortcuts, B. Detaching isn't a linear process, nor is healing. I can literally feel good for half an hour and then fall deep into depression for the rest of the day. I don't like being on my own, it gives me too much time to be alone with my torturous thoughts.
In my earlier days, I would simply go find another hottie and fall in love with her. I see now that it wasn't healthy for me. I never learned who I was. I still don't know who the hell I am. So far, I don't like what I see.
That leaves me with a few choices: continue on as I have been or change me.
The hard part is that so many things are deeply ingrained, where do you even start to begin changing?
