Rednail: OW confirmed..going dark

[Sparkls]

I'm about a week and a half out and I still have the same fears. By kicking him out, did I make it impossible for any sort of R. By going NC have I made it easier for him to go (he had had a breakdown seeing how hard this was on me, crying in the kitchen floor). I told a lot of "his" people (friends and family) in the hope that they'll snap him out of his affair fog. I'm trying to give space and time for him to miss his home and his life. And I'm working on me, doing IC and antidepressants and walking more and not sleeping for 14 hours.

And I have no clue if any of it will get me what I want; just a chance to work on our relationship .
The only advice I can give you is that at the end of this all, one way or another, we'll both be fine. And we'll learn to want and love new things. And right now is not the time to worry about that. Now is the time to just be hurt, scared and angry. To hug the pillow or sleep on the couch (as I did, last night was my first sleep in our bed). Adult coloring books are fun and they dull the mind a bit. Be with people you love.

A quote from my FB group:
"There's an old saying that" what doesnt kill you makes you stronger." I don't believe that. I believe what tries to kill you makes you sad and angry. Strength comes from the good things- your family, your friends the satisfaction of hard work. Those are the things that'll keep you whole. Those are the things to hold onto when you're broken. "