IP I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Keep faith that with further tests the docs will find out. I know I'm not near you, but I'm right next to you mentally. You can count on me.
Regarding your H, at the moment he isn't your priority. YOU, your kids and your dad are! Let's have a look at what you said.
You have been able to be with your dad while your H was with kids. If he really was a nasty piece of merde, he'd not have cared. Thank him for helping you in a difficult situation.
Are you living together? Eating together? Being intimidate? No, so truthfully you are already divorced! Sorry to be blunt but you have nothing to loose in moving forward with your life. You are already doing it. Go LRT, go dark as at the moment you have a lot on your plate and you don't need H's indecision!
You are going through a difficult time and was looking for comfort from H. It didn't come. You are an amazing woman and a very good mum. Here there is nothing you can do. Your H has to deal with his own issues. Today is hard but tomorrow is another day.
Regarding filling, mine hasn't done it because it will cost him a lot of money, so I know that once the house is sold I'm expecting it. If he doesn't know I'll take it as him being confused and not wanting to rush into anything. So (without putting your hopes high, I see it as a good thing). Comparing to my case where money is the issue!
If you have to go LRT or dark, do it for your own emotional sanity! Are you seeing IC? Have you considered to go to doc and see if you could be help to take the edge off things?
My STBXH didn't ask me about how were my parents. The have always welcomed him, my mum even bought some food that likes and that I hate. Our H are no longer thee one we married, and to be honest would you be with someone like him right now?
I know it's really hard and out situation are very similar. Please put the focus back on you and your family (kids and dad). You'll get through this I promise you.
Sending you tons of hugs ((((((((((IP)))))))))))))
