As the title says, I really can't take anymore! I feel like I'm going to explode into a pit of despair. Last night my Dad was rushed to A&E in an ambulance and after a few frantic texts and calls to WAH I managed to follow on while he sat with the kids. Thankfully my Dad is fine but needs some more test later in the week. But it's just like the straw that broke the camel's back. I can't take anymore. H was very kind and caring and even managed to unblock me from whatsapp so that I could stay in touch.
I've also lost the necklace H bought me for our 15th anniversary in Sept - searched high and low. Devastated about that too - probably the last thing he will ever buy me.
I broke down in front of H this afternoon and said I can't take anymore, told him to just tell me if he's never coming home. He shouted at me that he is never, ever, ever coming home. I asked him why he hasn't started D proceedings and he calmly said he doesn't know, that people he works with keep asking what he plans to do and he tells them he doesn't know either. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to come back just for the house and kids but hasn't liked me for years!
He said he'd come round later tonight but then text saying he's not in the mood and to tell the kids he loves them. I knew he wouldn't come round again today, he never does if we have any kind of conversation.
He either genuinely doesn't know what to do or he knows he wants to D but hasn't the guts to do it.
I don't feel like I have the physical or mental strength to do any of this anymore. Sick of feeling like I'm dragging a lead weight on my back day in day out but at the same time I know there is no choice. Tomorrow will be the same, and the day after and I am sick of it all.
