Sandi's Reflections

[sandi2]

I believe young women are set up for high, romantic expectations. All her growing up years, she watches romantic movies, read romance novels, and daydreams about her knight in shining armor. So, a nice man comes along and he is so sweet and wonderful to her. She believe he is the one for her. She pours herself into a dream wedding and has romantic fantasies of the wedding night......as well as for the rest of life. They are usually unrealistic and b/c these expectations are so lofty......she's going to be greatly disappointed. With disappointment comes her resentment and blame. She blames her H for not being what she wanted. He didn't produce the desired effects. She complains and cries, and he tries harder to make her happy.....b/c she thinks it's his job to make her happy, and he's just trying to get along with her.

But of course - this is all part of their journey into turning us into useless, pathetic, repulsive creatures. The 99 good times are over-ridden by the 1 bad. Even if it wasn't bad. I'm sorry I ever apologized for anything I did to tell you the truth.

Right! Let me add that it's not as much as the good times vs the bad times as it is the emotional connection. Couples can go through devasting times and still be crazy about each other. Love should not be based on how many great days the couple experienced.

Here is the dynamics I see in most of these nice-guy marriages to entitled princesses. She has these lofty fantasies. When he doesn't produce the happy feelings she thinks is his duty to do, as her H.........she reacts. When she reacts, he may crawl into his shell, man cave, or whatever he does to withdraw from her. He is hoping she'll calm down and he can bear to live with her again. Some nice-guys may try "explaining" to his immature, demanding W, how life really works......but she's not having any of it. She feels entitled to more, better, than him. She may throw fits, give him the ice treatment, withdraw sex, or cry for days..........and he finds himself doing the only thing he knows to do.......apologizing. He may not realize WHAT he apologizing for, but he will do anything she wants just to get her out of this mood. He walks around on eggshells, fearing the least thing could set her off. He lets her have her way, just to keep the peace. However, instead of appreciation, she becomes more demanding, harsh, disrespectful in the way she talks to him and in her attitude toward him. It's as if she has this hidden agenda that he can't figure out. He is knocking himself out to give her what she wants, and she seems to like him less. He keeps giving and she keeps taking.

Sure he probably made some mistakes in their MR, who doesn't. However, he is the one who always seems to give in first. He's the first to apologize, to initiate making up, and willing to do whatever she wants him to do. If he will evaluate their relationship, he will see that she actually controls the MR. How? By having her fits, bad moods, bulling, withdrawing sex, manipulation, etc. A man can take just so much of this behavior! However, it has worked for her in the past, so that is the weapon of choice. If he does not change how he interacts and responds to her, this dynamic of her running the show in selfish, irresponsible and disrespectful behavior, will continue even after they are divorced. He has to change the dynamics within their interaction, their relationship and connection. She will not change toward him until he makes the changes necessary. First step is finding his b@lls.

I will tell you men a secret, and I am going to put it plainly. Women love men with b@lls! We are drawn to men who have b@lls, and who especially show their b@lls to us. We don't tell them, of course, but we respect those guys who act like men with us. You know the type I mean, right? Men who won't be manipulated, pushed around, and we can't use our little feminine tricks with them. Men who are not afraid of us, and will call us out for disrespect and bad behavior. We women, who we're born without b@lls, try to acquire them by taking them away from the men. If we are M, guess who is our number one target? And, once we have the power of our H's b@lls, we don't intend to hand them back easily.

When women marry a nice-guy type, the negative side of his nice-guy traits become more visible after marriage. B/c guess what? The guy's W is going after his b@lls. If he meekly hands them over to her, he has lost his position as the man in the M and she takes the man's place, b/c she has the equipment that says, "The one with the b@lls is the man". The nice-guy thinks he is being cooperative, or keeping the peace, or whatever reason he tells himself when she tests his manhood. Each time, she walks away with his b@lls. And you know what? B@lls just do not compliment a female. I mean, she's just is not very attractive trying to attach those things to her. She loses a part that makes her soft and feminine. And guess how she sees her H, who is minus the b@lls? She sees him being the soft and feminine one in the relationship. Well, this order of things does not work well in a male-female MR. The roles gets all messed up, and the woman who took the b@lls becomes more of a bully than a loving wife. The kicker is.....she's still unhappy and she thinks it has to be all the H's fault.

Years of resentment toward her H, and the lack of respect she feels for him as a man......is followed by bad behavior, waywardness, rebellion. It may show in various ways, but it's just a matter of time until she's ready to throw him aside and find herself a "real" man (or so she thinks).

I just wonder - she expected so much before - do they expect the same from the OM? Or are they all of a sudden forgiving when the door isn't being held open, or they need to fix their own dinner? I'm assuming the guy could take a dump on her and she'd think it was roses.

Well, in the beginning, she is so fogged out of her mind that she seldom sees him for what he truly is, b/c she is buying more & more into the fantasy. She has these dreams of him being her "true" love who is going to rescue her from the miserable life she's had with her H. Even if someone shows her proof of this OM being a loser, her fantasy drives her to make excuses, ignore it, or forgive him. She will either see him more clearly when the fogg lifts or when they are living together and have to deal with real life.

Regardless of the outcome with the WW and OM, the LBH needs to really strive in changing his nice-guy tactics and learn from the interaction in his MR. I will tell you another secret. A wife will need her H to stand up to her, not fear her moods and fits, and put his foot down when she is misbehaving. Every time he allows her to push him around, she loses more respect for him. Avoiding conflict is not how a man needs to deal with his wife. He needs to take charge, get his b@lls to the rightful owner, and start being the man he was meant to be. He needs to be the leader, instead of acting like her employee. He must command respect from his wife and children and take the position as head of the family.