Thinking too much of what to do is just going to drive you crazy. So, Florida is like Colorado. It does not matter if your H has or had an A.
Good info.
Your L said that you can fight for the house since you have two minors in your custody right now.
Good info.
There is alimony that you can get once you or him put D papers (if that happen). There is child support for a long time because your kids are very young.
Good info.
Family courts can also give you some idea of what happen if you file (if that happen). They can give you detailed info.
Good stuff.
There is a form that can calculate assets, debts, alimony, child support and other. You can get the form w/your L or at the family court.
Can be easy done.
With that form you will start seeing what info you have, what info you need and what can be underground that you want to find out. IF, and that is still on IF stage, you file or your H file, then you know what grounds you are, and you can always ask the court for transparency, even if he tries to hide stuff.
So, this is your practical side thinking, this is the MAMA BEAR attitude. Once you are in that stage, you go into survival mode and do the best you can to protect yourself and your cubs.
Now the emotional side:
How to DB from here on?
Well, now you are a mess. Accept that, look in the mirror and feel miserable for a few days. Eat that ice cream, sit down on your bathtub with the shower running with clothes and shoes on, run until your legs feel like falling off, cry and scream and curse him until your throat hurts, punch the pillow like it is his face, brake some plates or glasses in a safe place where no one will get hurt. Do it all.
Once a few days pass by, then you will calm down, look at yourself and say that you are better then this.
Then the DB starts. Then you will use this pain and all this mess to became a person you want to see in that mirror.
It will take time. Do not dream and think that you will be someone 100% different tomorrow. It will be steps that you will take to make it happen.
One day you feel better then others, just accept that this is the process and there is no immediate cure for all what is happening. Don't attempt antibiotics because it is not going to work.
If you decide, after some time taken to recover from the trauma your are in right now. You will find it in yourself to fight for what you want. How? You will look good almost at all times, you will reorganize your space the way it fits you and you want. You will keep exercising to be in a better mood for yourself and to look good too. You will talk to XH in a civilized way, as calm as you can be, you will surprise him too.
YOU WILL NOT TALK ABOUT OW... even when sometimes you need to bite your tongue.
If he says "I want this or that" you say that you will think about it and let him know your position later.
You will go after your career path, you will talk to your L of what is better right now. If you get a job, it is going to hurt you if you go into a D, or it is better if you wait and have a job after, once the court decides what is your part on the D.
The courts don't care about As, but they do not see it with good eyes when one partner play it dirty, and with minors involved he may be in hell.
He is also a detention officer, and he is the one breaking his family. He is weird at this job and with his job partners because he knows how much weight it has on his character.
Red, let it all unfold for him the way it needs to. It is not your responsibility to think of feel for him. You will let him walk the walk and see him going in circles facing his mistakes.
Meanwhile, Red is getting stronger because she has no other way besides facing the challenges right now. And Red will get stronger and stronger as time goes by.
Red will have a lipstick on her lips, will look good and go out once in a while. Red will get that beautiful tan at the beach once she will go there to spend the day with her kids and maybe friends.
Red will smile with different things in her life because life is not only defined by one man. Life is much more than that and we can be happy even if our lovely one is not there for awhile.
Red will make time to review her faith and maybe join a church where people will offer you love in many different ways and will fill the gap. Red will maybe starting help others that are going through some problems too.
Red will DB like a pro. She will always show H that she is on her two feet and strong. That she has the guts to stand for herself and have a brain on her own. She will have compassion and will validate his feelings. Red will show her understanding without excusing his faults.
Red will be paving the road that he may take to get back home if he decides to.
Red will manage her moves as it goes. She will not react to his stupid words. She will eat it cold when things get heated and then she will cry once she is in a safe place to do so.
Red will brake him into pieces for just being fantastic, an incredible and valuable woman that only a idiot like your H would leave.
You will do it all and you will grow as a person, as a woman, as a mother and as a partner for your H or someone else you chose to be with. It is not the end of Red, it's the beginning of a wonderful journey that will teach you to be a better YOU.
There will be challenges... they will make you stronger tomorrow. There will be pain... they will teach you to be compassionate with yourself and others. There will be hard moments... they will teach you how to love, respect and value yourself.
That is the way you start your DBing. You move along the lines as the situation presents itself. You try it, if it does not work you try something else. You adapt as you learn. You learn every time you need to adapt.
Red will do what it takes to get her family together and happy again. Only Red can say "I had enough". If one day you decide you are done with it, then you will move on with your head tall, your heart clean and you will be ready to face your new journey. She won't regret anything.
So, feel the pain but remember that you are BEAUTIFUL, YOUNG, RESPONSIBLE, BRAVE, RESPECTFUL, ENERGETIC, VIBRANT, VICTORIOUS...You are a child of God and he loves you.
It's one day at a time, be gentle with yourself...
