Also, I don't know if it will help to point out the fact that 1) I know that she is "in love" with the OM from EA and they swap I love you's
2) I know who he is and he is a looser. Text book "Affairing down"
It won't really change anything for you to point out that you know. I think most men wants the WW to know that they are aware of the EA, however, unless you intend to attach some type of action, it won't accomplish much more except making her more defensive, maybe. If you think this may affect child custody, then it may be to your advantage to stay quiet about what you know. Discuss this with your lawyer.
Quote:
I want to put a boundary along the lines of since you have chosen this path I will not be supporting you....
To me, that appears to be more of a punishment (issuing loss, at best). A boundary is a line you draw around yourself for protection. If she crosses over that line, the action taken, as the results of the disrespect, is your action. You can't control her action. Trying to control her action is more along the lines of giving her an ultimatum.
Personally, I don't blame you for not wanting to support her. I encourage you, however, to check with your lawyer before you start issuing any such statements to her. As per the advice you've received, it could come back to bite you worse......so be clear on all your options.
Most nice guy H's feel they need to explain to the WW why they are making their decisions about the finances, or whatever. Actually, most guys are too quick with too much information. Usually, these things need to hit the WW head on, without the H cushioning it for her. It isn't him being a jerk, but the reality of her decisions hitting her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
