Help!

[sandi2]

CWOL, yes this information is counter intuitive. If you will get past the fact DBing does not line up with every other forum on the board, and if you can accept what you are hearing, then you can start making progress. Most of the forums and books I read about M gave the same type of basic advice, which is okay if your W is not wayward in her heart. Once she reaches the rebellious stage, those soft soap techniques are useless. If you aren't sure what I mean by waywardness, I hope you'll read the link on Cadet's post, Help for the LBH who has a WW.

If you have a wayward wife, I promise that pursuing her to win her back does not work. Not only was I a WW, but I have been active on this board for many years and have NEVER seen a H win back his WW by catering and pursuing. The more you do for her, the nicer you try to be, the more you walk around on egg shell, the more disrespect you tolerate...........the worse she is going to treat you. The WW is actually so turned off and disgusted by her H that it is impossible for him to use those old "nice her back" methods, and get positive results.

Forget what she has told you about you not helping around the house. That is nothing more than a smoke screen. She has to come up with some excuse, so that is the one most commonly used. While the H is acting like a trained monkey doing all the work, her "highness" does less & less. Meanwhile, he is getting no where with her. Why? B/c the real source of her problem is she has lost respect in him as a man. Coming home after putting in a full day of work on your job, and then doing her work too, is not attractive to her (although she said that's what she wanted). It is the man handing her his b@lls while he clean house, cooks, takes care of the kids and does the laundry...so her highness can do whatever her wayward heart desires.

You have to get your focus off how to get her to stay in the M, and start getting yourself back to being the man you were before you M........or better. You appear to have the nice-guy syndrome, and I can tell you that they really do finish last. Please read the free download of No More Mr. Nice Guy. Do not let the nice guy label mislead you. Everyone likes the nice guy. Women marry nice guys, but after she lives with him for a while, she doesn't like him very much, and then she begins losing respect for him as a man. She takes his b@lls and she takes charge of the relationship. She becomes his boss, and he pretty much lets her make the decisions, while he keeps his mouth closed......figuring it will keep the peace. Only, it just proves to her that he isn't the man she needs.