I'm really struggling.. I cant sleep maybe 3 hours today on and off..i don't think I ever even ate yesterday. I feel just empty and hurt. I don't know how to move past this when I feel so low. I don't know what to do with myself besides wanting to lay in bed and cry.
I am so sorry you're going through this double betrayal.
The ex gave the road map to his ow but I did all the dirty work for the ow. I basically did everything but bless their relationship with holy water. I did all the things that I wasnt supposed to do.
You sound strong. This is painful and it's natural to grieve and hurt. Sleep will be difficult but you have to make it happen somehow because when the adrenaline runs out, you'll crash.
Because your pain is so raw and recent, I say you should grieve as much as you want to as long as you and your kids are not endangered. Then after that, slowly try to start thinking of what to do.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
You should be struggling and feeling broken and empty inside. Your world has just exploded. The person (actually 2 people!) you trusted most in the world betrayed you in the worst way possible. If you could just go on today you wouldn't have any feelings. It's going to take you some time to process it. The hardest part will be putting on a brave face to take care of your children when you need to take care of yourself too. When I found out about my H's affair I didn't have my sons so I was able to fall apart for 24 hours. I couldn't sleep or eat. I tried to take a shower and laid on the bathroom floor sobbing until a friend came over to sit with me. Can you get help with your kiddos today so you can be gentle with yourself? Grandparents? You really do need to cry this episode out and get angry. There's no way around this pain you have to go through it. Unfortunately. It will be surreal and you will feel like you are in the twilight zone. I really recommend exercise because it will get you some endorphins and make you exhausted. I know it sounds impossible but maybe even a walk. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. I know how you feel. I wish you didn't have to experience it but I promise you that YOU will find strength you never knew you had because of your kids. It won't be easy but please try to find a way to take care of you today so you can grieve because it's a death of the relationship you thought you had with your H. No matter what happens that relationship has died. Thinking of you...
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I'm sitting here folding clothes. I have a giant pile of his. Do I fold them..do I leave them in a basket for him. Idk what to do.
One shirt she made him, I know since it has his nickname from highschool that no one calls him. I ripped it apart and threw it away.
Immature yes. Feel better- hell yes.
My mom is going to come after work to spend the night with me.
I'm trying to be as normal for my sweet babies as possible. I keep crying in the bathroom.
What do I do you guys..besides no contact unless its kids or bills. Idk what else to do. I just want him to come say sorry and hold me and ask for forgiveness.
Just don't do anything right now. It's all reaction and your state of mind is upside down.
As much as you can, try do not think about what you want dto do about your R. Don't think that he will get married tomorrow and live happy ever after. It won't happen just like that.
For sure you can't control him or the b***h. But you can control you. And it's that control of yourself that can be your lifesaver with or without your H.
You have been reading some stories here about WAS that had As and it crumble with time. So, do not think it is all resolved.
How can you think you want to save your M when you are so hurt and angry?
It's one day at a time for now. Even an hour at a time. Give yourself room to breathe.
All what you are feeling right now will tell you to destroy all around you. But think about the big picture. It's what you do today that will count tomorrow.
About his stuff, don't bother yourself with it. It's just stuff. Do what your heart feels ok. You don't want to fold his clothes, then don't.
There is a lot more inside of you that will come forward. There is a strong woman there that you will find out and that woman will be your best friend.
She will stand up for her rights and protect herself and the cubs, she will struggle and still find her job, make her money, she will look good no matter the tears left on the pillow.
No one can take that woman from you.
As much as it hurts, start preparing yourself for the worst, hope for the better and start DBing. It will save you some time out of desperation world.
You have all rights to be sad and angry. Give yourself that right. In the meantime, get a list of paperwork you need to have in case you will be served. Ask your L for that list and as you can start gathering that.
Yes, you will say it is unfair and it is. But no one can prepare for this. It's very unfair and dirty, but they will have their time too. What was a very exciting A is now in the open and some of the magic is already out of the window.
Some As start dying the day the bomb explodes. He will change and she will change and only time will tell if these changes will be the same venom that will kill the A. So give yourself a rest and don't think of what to about him or her at this moment.
It is what you will do with yourself that is important now. It's what you want that is important now. Do you want to leave the house? He is not the focus at this moment.
Don't let your emotions to take the best of you and lose focus. Remember that you will have time to think about your R. It's your life, your security, your kids that are the focus right now.
Love yourself above all of this. You are more then all the garbage he is splashing right now. She is a scam bag that will show her real colors soon enough. Let them have their time and show what a real woman, with solid values, respect, can do when faced with so much adversity.
Some time ago my XH said that he is very proud of me, that in the midst if so much pain I never lower myself. After the whole fiasco, when his A is just dust, he look at me and see a woman with values and not some scam bag that subject herself to so much garbage.
So, cry, grieve, eat what you can, sleep what you can, walk, think and put those big girl pants and stand up to your values.
One thing that made me strong was to Lean on God and allow myself to let his love for me to work on my behalf. I say now that my D song was "I am not alone". It was amazing of how much energy came from that song when Iost needed.
We all love you and we will be with you along the wsy. It will get better even if you can't see it now.
Red, I'm so glad your mom is coming over. We're here for you too, for as long as you need. I folded the clothes, too, and it made no difference either way. Shred them all if you want to. It's going to hurt like nothing else for a while. I'm so sorry, but it just does. Try to avoid any contact, even about the kids and bills. And most importantly don't tell everyone. It makes the A more real and it makes it harder for him to come back if everyone hates him. Then all they have is each other. You don't want that.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Thank you guys. I got 4 hrs of sleep then had to text him.
It was 1-screen shot of my bill due today.
2- I need $ for the kids.(he forgot to bring some yesterday.)
3-he asked how much I just said 200$ and income tax money.
I let it go after that. He said he can bring my tax money but the 200 i have to wait on. He has thousands in the bank but I'm not going to fight him.
Im not saying anything else. At all.
Idk if I can save my marriage anymore after this. I dont see him leaving her anything soon.
I am so very, very sorry. I've been where you are, 3 times in the last 2 years. H swore on his mother's grave. He swore again, promised, made up elaborate stories. We're still together and the A is over.
It's hard, I won't pretend otherwise. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and arthritis a couple of months ago. Don't think it was a coincidence.
Only you can decide what you want to do, but for now, try to minimize contact and give yourself time to think.
Try to not have any contact. If he has to come over with money, have your mother there and leave the house for a bit.
Talk to your L and get some support payments and a custody schedule in place asap so you don't have to interact all the time. You should not have to ask him for money! Depending on your state, the A may or may not play a role.
The most comforting thing I did in the middle of the most acute grief, was take long, hot showers. I went through some hot water those days...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I've been where you are, 3 times in the last 2 years. H swore on his mother's grave. He swore again, promised, made up elaborate stories. We're still together and the A is over.