Thanks Sci, Your thoughts make a lot of sense. Vanilla mentioned "determination" earlier. I was intrigued. I searched self determination, found this and copied it here:
What is Self-Determination?
Self-determination is a cluster of several skills, abilities, knowledge, beliefs, traits and talents that enable people to engage themselves with tons of self-confidence. It comes from your inner strength and courage. It helps to take on the challenges and changes in life with head on. It strengthens your inner belief to take the battle to its logical end. Self-determination is something hidden which can be demonstrated through actions not by external appearance.
Does Self Determination help with detachment? Does it have any connection to detachment?
I think a very big part of where I am now is due to my lack of faith and self- confidence. I either let people step all over me or I lash out when I start to feel overwhelmed and taken advantage of. If I am more sure of myself and have healthier boundaries, I would have been in a better place.
Like what Scidad said, some times you just need to flick that middle finger and not care so much. And I notice that the difference btw people who have it together and me is that these people don't hesitate to reclaim their space and they can flick their middle fingers so calmly and without that you just can't bear any ill feelings towards them.
This is such a vital skill to have in life!
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
So is the vital skill you and Sci both speak of self determination? It seems having the confidence and courage to move forward through stages of detachment fits the concept of self determination. Do these two ideas, detachment and self determination, interact? Thoughts?
Thanks for the thought Grlonfr. Understanding how things work is a important part of my nature. I have to look under the hood. Be well
Going back to your earlier post about vertical welding. I have been beating on steel everyday for the past 20 years. If there is anything I was put on this earth to do it is transforming raw material into a useful form. One thing I can tell you that I find relates steel and people is that the steel has no love, no remorse, no pride, no ego, no preconceived outcome. What it does posses is consistency, predictability, and toughness. Successful people remind me a lot of steel. Unsuccessful people remind me more of the frustrated welder trying to force it to do something it is not willing or able to do.
The thing about steel is, to be able to get it to do what you want, you must respect the parameters of the material itself. You can't force it to happen, you must approach it with knowledge, experience and respect. Only then will you get the desired results.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
Mu, I think that both concepts stem from a strong sense of self. When there is a strong sense of sense, there is that self faith that no matter what happens, one will be okay. And because of that belief and faith, one sets anout doing things that will make obe okay. And without that strong core of belief, there is a lot of fear and worry and all the ensuing feelings that can bog us down.
Actually, I think all these concepts are also linked to resilience, resourcefulness and self-awareness.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Determination is behavioural and detachment is a body state.
Determination is the gears of the engine and without detachment it's like driving with one foot on the brake.
Most of us have the skill sets to do enormous tasks and achieve so much more than we know. We have to accept that we can learn as we go.
A father sees a car fall on his child and he lifts it, a mother watches her baby's pram run down the hill and she chases it. A swimmer is dragged by an under current and yet swims to safety. That's determination. When the chips are down what can you do? What can you achieve?
Determination is fired by anger and joy in combination. It is flow, it is about moving forward. Absolutely it is. We need the anger, to move us forward. Anger is good, anger is fire. Anger fuels determination, anger is the quiet battle cry to achievement.
I love determination, it's a state I enter easily now I have learned the trick. Quiet white stubborn directed anger.
That's the way I see it.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I also think we don't need to wait until there is self confidence or belief to act.
Providing anger gives us the desire to achieve a goal then determination will pull us through all the mistakes.
When I said "I will not be abused" I really meant it, although I didn't have the skills to set boundaries. It was determination not self belief that got me there. I let go and let God (my higher power) find the resource and I discovered that when the pupil is ready the teachers are found.
It is something new that I have learned that I have more tools in my toolbox than I thought. If I wait until I am ready then I will wait too long. The tools go rusty for lack of use. I am moving forwards slowly and I will get there.
Grl it is determination which will get you through the spews of your sitch.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi V, Thanks so much for your responses. So much to chew on and mull over.
Yes, I realise that directed, purposeful anger works better for me than either despondence or undirected anger.
This is what I have to remember: to make use of the momentum provided by the anger to fuel my determination and propel myself out of the ruts and the ditches.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Thanks 2ltl2lt, I wish you lived closer, I could learn a lot from you. Grlonfr, I think I my closer to understanding the nuts and bolts of detachment. Vanilla, I love your last two posts. They brought me useful insight. I am sorry if I am being dense but could you clarify one thing. It seems determination is a component of self determination. Self Determination is determination focused on ones self. Determination will drive Self Determination but other motivations decide the direction of action. Is this true? If this is true, what are the other motivations?
So much to think about. My brain is full right now. Good morning Mu, I hope you are having a good weekend. I wish I could talk to you in real life, wish you had joined the party bus!
