WW, My Addiction, Patience, and Hope - III

[trumpet]

I'M POSTING! I'M POSTING!
Kind of like the guy with the lawnmower in the Geico ads - I'm pushing, I'm pushing real hard!

Yes, new management job is really exciting. I'm stressed, but a different stress. Small used car lot, 2 vet sales guys who were running the deal almost by themselves, and now enjoying a hungry sales guy (ME!) who wants to just sling some metal and make some money. They seem to be happy, and so am I.

On the W front - just the opposite. My tardy valentine's day gift to her was a wall hanging for her admin job she moved to. It's the wall hanging she really wanted. The first thing out of her mouth was 'You know this is like having permanent flowers in my office, right?' When she got promoted, I had flowers delivered. She was in the affair big then, and couldn't even look at them.
That statement got me puzzled, and a bit hurt, but told her we could send it back if she wanted... or I could take it to work if she couldn't stand to look at it, since to her it reminds her of me, and she still hates me right now.

Later on Wed. night I did log into her Facebook - still had her login, the only one left. She has cut me out of her phone and email. Didn't find anything, so logged off and went to bed. The first thing she asked me the next morning was if I had logged in at 11PM - I told her yes, since I had the login, and was just checking up, but didn't find anything. She then proceeds to tell me... yep, she's back to texting OM again.

So Sandi - you were right! Her depression/struggle with withdrawls put her back in touch with OM. I guess that missed call on valentine's day wasn't just a 'blip' on the radar.

She, of course, started spewing, covering her tracks, saying the divorce is back on, she's in full-on love with him, and can't ever imagine being with me anymore. That it's finally done, and the divorce is moving forward.

I can't remember what I said, but something along the lines of 'ok', and then followed up with 'when are you going to move out then?'... to which she said she's never moving out, and when am I?

Very hardened, very confused, very angry, very depressed wife.

It's hard to watch. I'm in a place, without the porn, walking with God, a new job, and secure in my life and manhood that I see what she's doing for what it is... a patch of her life she'll probably regret, and a patch of her life she'll never get back.

I really don't know what to do except go dark, which I have. I have hardly said a word to her in the last 2 days. Got home today and she was already upstairs, the kids doing whatever, and no idea what she's doing. It really doesn't matter much. I almost think this thing has to hit rock bottom before we really can move forward.

I keep thinking of moving out - that I'd love to have my own place right now. The kids are keeping me here. My new sales manager job gives me a little more coin, and I could swing a small rental on the other side of town where work is. Just don't know if I want to upset the apple cart that much.

Is it wrong that I think that? I would be happier without her in my life. I'd be more lonely sooner or later, but I could figure things out. Man, I'm way better than I was 2 months ago, but it still stinks to be in this no-man's land. Alex, I'll take "Will she Divorce Me or Not for $500".