You'll find that much of DB'ing is very counterintuitive. We want to cling, to cry, to fight...and none of these things get us where we want to be. Detachment is your friend. If you hang on to H and base all your behaviors off how he acts, not only will you push him away but you will also make yourself crazy. Right now, as much as it svcks, H is off on his own program. Let him go. Take this time to figure out how you contributed to the breakdown of the M, and how you can change and grow. Don't focus on getting H back, but on becoming the best version of yourself. When you step back and put some distance between you, very often you'll find it makes them step back towards you.
