I guess respect and admiration are the first steps to winning this battle?
I would say so.
I would say no.
The first step to winning this battle is busting up the affair. You (or she) can respect and admire the heck out of each other but as long as there remains a third party interfering in your marriage, you don't stand a chance.
Now if by "respect" you mean -
A wife that demands her husband allow her to remain friends and in contact with her affair partner doesn't respect her husband....
Then I would agree that she needs a modicum of respect for her husband, her family and, quite frankly, herself, to actually establish and maintain "no contact" herself. However, even that doesn't matter much. The OM in my situation dumped my wife after he was exposed as an adulterer to his friends and family. My wife had no choice in "no contact" and would have probably preferred riding the fence cake eating for a few more weeks, months...years. I probably would have ended up divorced if I simply waited for her to "get it". However, after a few weeks of "no contact" she started realizing what a fool she had been and despite having zero respect or feelings towards me decided for herself that "no contact" was what she wanted to and despite not feeling it...to give reconciliation a fair shot. The rest is history.
The point is....you don't need respect or remorse FIRST. You only need "no contact" and THEN you have a chance to get respect and remorse....eventually.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
