The begining of the rest of my new life? (3)

[Ripe]

Uau, my mind is blown off.
This camera issue did more damage than I ever expected!! I did more damage that I could have ever imagined.
Before I had a talk with STBXW she sent me an email.
In it she told me she had been thinking about the answer I gave her (“I will think if I lend you the camera). Besides mentioning some past grievances regarding issues with more than four years - I gave my previous camera to my brother without consulting her – she mentioned she felt a separation between “my” things and “her” things, when, according to our wedding contract, everything acquired after the marriage belongs to both of us.
She added both of us gave different contributions to our common patrimony and that she made a big personal and professional sacrifice by abandoning her profession to come and join me in this foreign land and that allowed us to increase our assets.
Therefore, she concluded she should acquire her own camera and for that she proposed three alternatives:
- She would buy it immediately;
- She would ask the money from a friend and they pay it back when she would start working and when we would split our assets;
- We could split our assets right now without waiting for the divorce.
We met the same day at school. She was still smiling at me.
I validated her feelings about my previous camera.
She reproached the upcoming trip the kids and I are taking to Florida by saying she hadn’t been consulted and it was an expensive trip. She said since the separation back in October she had tried to be cautious with money and had not incurred in any big spending.
I told her I would not like for her to buy a camera right now and that she could ask money from the friend. Nevertheless I told her she could have gone in all the trips she wanted. I know this doesn’t make any sense, but trips are not corporeal and she would not be taking them with her after the divorce.
We ended up not discussing the third alternative due to lack of time.
Two hours later she sent me a new email saying exactly that. She also asked me why I considered trips a different kind of investment from objects.
She told she had refrained herself from long trips in order not to spend money.
She asked if it would have been her booking such an expensive trip if she would need to consult me.
The ended by saying she needs everything clarified when it comes to the money that is ours, although I am the only one working.
Thursday morning I called STBXW.
I told her we could not officially split our assets, only when we divorce, but we could do it unofficially, as long we would trust each other and later on would not go back in our word. She could open a bank account in her name and I would give her half the money we have deposited.
Regarding the question she asked about having to consult me in advance if she would want to go on a long trip, I did not answer directly.
And then I blew it!
I told her since October, since our separation, and although she has the credit and debit cards for our account, not once I had checked or controlled any of her withdrawals. And then I tried to joke about it, saying if she would have spent all the money in men I would not have noticed. So, no, she would not need to consult me. I also said I didn’t feel the need to consult her for the trip since it was money I had earned with my work. Ending the conversation, I joked again saying from now on I would ask from her a detailed list with all her expenses in men. She said in an angry voice: “never”.
There and then I realized I had to apologize for my rudeness.
I waited until the afternoon, when I went to her place to pick up the kids. She was furious. In front of the kids she said she would open a bank account the following day, as per our agreement. She said now she understood everything, that I had revealed myself (in the sense that I would be jealous). I pulled her away from the kids and apologized. She would not accept the apologies I kept repeating. She mentioned silly things like the fact that she had good friends who would never let die of hunger and that, fortunately, she did not have to prostitute herself in order to eat.
I arrived home and wrote an email reinforcing my apologies for my rudeness.
This morning she sent me an email with the bank account number.
She wrote she is very happy the camera issue was brought up because it had helped to clarify a lot of issues and to reveal who we really are.
She added that from yesterday I should fell myself exonerated from the duty of supporting her. She added: “Rest assured that I did not withdraw a single penny from the money you so hardly earn and that since our separation I did not spend more than reasonable to pay bills and current expenses. I have someone who can help me from today on and until you transfer the money. Don’t worry, you don’t know this person so I am saving you from the shame.”
My immediate reaction was to go to her place and apologize again.
I did not do it.
I will not be involved in any more drama.
I have apologized orally and in written.
Her anger is completely disproportionate.
My actions reveal that I have always trusted her: after the separation she kept all access to the bank accounts; I have been paying for the house she rented and moved into; I paid her Christmas trip to her parents; not even once I asked her about a single expense she had done; I left all the money in the bank.
Right now I only feel sad for my kids. I miss them. I am sorry I cannot provide them with a family.