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A couple things to learn from my mistakes:

1) absolutely put nothing derogatory, mean, nasty etc in writing. No texts or emails. My H printed all my nasty texts and gave them to his L and the kids counselor. I looked horrible when my H was one cheating!

2) make appts with lawyers ASAP. It's a conflict of interest once you've interviewed a L, your H can't use that person even if you choose not to (at least in my state). Find best ones you can and interview 3-4.

3) you should definitely go dark because I was an angry raging lunatic and sabotaged db'ing when I decided that I DID want to try to save it. Which you can always decide to later on if you do.

I'm so sorry! Betrayal by your H and best friend is devastating. Please find some people to come be with you today. Thinking of you.


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
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He is ALREADY texting me..

Did the kids nap? Who the F cares, if you really wanna know you would BE HERE.

I ignored it. When DO I KNOW what kids questions to respond to.

I feel like that is more of a ..are you really going to ignore me text.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Brook, I PROMISE I WILL WRITE NOTHING BAD. THE WORST I did was call her and leave her a voicemail saying that she should know he was sleeping with us both at the same time and that I know about the affair.

I have a L I really really like. I WILL be using him when the time comes. I have to get a job and figure out my housing and figure out what I really want to do.

He said he isn't giving up seeing her, so I mean there is no point in trying to even think about an R.

I do not know what to do. She is gorgeous, blonde, no stretch marks, huge boobs, huge butt. Seriously GORGEOUS and then there is me. I have stretch marks, saggy skin, I am def not as pretty and like 2x her size.

I do not think I can compete with her in anyway.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Their R won't last, I'm telling you now.

She just got out of a marriage and he is having an affair. Their relationship is built on a shaky foundation.

I'll be shocked if they end up long term.

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I hope so thornton..I hope so. I will say I still love him but I need space. My family is shocked and want me to go file today or monday but I'm not ready. I have to be smart and now this emotional I'm irrational and crazy.( at home in my head crazy not like really crazy)


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Yes, wait until you can process some things in your mind before making a hasty decision.

Your feelings might change several times in the near future.

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I have no idea what to do right now.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Breathe. Thats all you do right now, breathe.

You just took a big shock to your system, just breathe for right now.

Can you call some girlfriends to come over and visit?

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Originally Posted By: Rednail
I have no idea what to do right now.


I am so very, very sorry. That is horrible, such a betrayal from both. But your gut feeling was right on.

Do nothing. Just breathe, talk to the L about your options and still do nothing. There is no rush.

I agree with not answering non-essential questions about the kids. Scheduling and serious illness is all you need to communicate at this time.

(((hugs)))

And see a doc to check for STDs. It was the first thing I did.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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Posts: 1,415
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DO. NOT. PANIC. (Any more than you already have.) Don't file yet. This affair is likely to fail, but it takes time. Hold on to the M for now, but like the rest of us you'll have to start moving on with your life. You do need a lawyer, but DO NOT MAKE ANY HASTY DECISIONS. You will feel different tomorrow and different again on Monday. Not necessarily better, unfortunately, but you will have glimpses of better times soon.

I am so, so sorry. It's got to hurt like he!!.

Also, go dark and don't respond to him. Let him sit with this. He doesn't need to know anything now.

DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM.


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
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