SparkSB...does he deserve your kindness? No. But it's not about what anyone deserves. It's about fixing the M. What's your ultimate goal? Is setting up strict boundaries and walls what you want? I'm not sure withholding an unneeded TV purely out of spite is really going to help him realize what an awesome W you are and how much he is losing. Instead, it's probably going to feed into a narrative he's building about you that is likely already negative. I.e., "That *****! She doesn't even need that TV and she's just doing this to hurt me. I was right to leave her."
I'm not saying let him walk all over you, and only you know what's right for your own situation. But when you make your decisions, try not to make them from a place of hurt or pain, or getting back at him because of how he's treated you. That is a losing game. By the same token, don't just extend kindness because you think you're going to "nice" him back, either. It won't work. The point is, you need to make decisions from a place of detachment and without expectation. Don't refuse to give him the TV to punish him, and don't give in just because you think it's going to bring him home. Make your decision based on what you think makes you the person only a fool would leave, and then let it go. You aren't trying to enact a certain strategy to manipulate your H into behaving a certain way. You're just trying to be a better person.
Bottom line...does withholding the TV get you any closer to your goals? Or would extending undeserved kindness maybe have a greater impact? It's natural to want to lash back at someone who has hurt us. But even though its natural and we all feel that way, it's really counterproductive to reaching our goals. Fighting your H will bring predictable results and increase the distance between you. It's not going to fix your M. Being the bigger person who can be the first to reach out and treat him with undeserved kindness may not save your M either. But your chances sure are a heck of a lot better that way.
