Staying The Course

[HopeRB]

And I do feel 180ing and DBing are helping. I go out, it's just not the same as before, sadly. I also have 2 friends that check on me daily to make sure I'm ok but we are very different, I'm noticing. I find myself trying to be my old self with my old sense of humor and gusto with these ladies, and even share everyday details about work and things as I would with H but, it's not the same. I don't get the same caring response I would get from H. I feel like I'm trying to replace H's role through my friends's in a weird way and it just isn't working. I can't even make the same jokes I used, talk about the things I used to like to talk about (H and I are into alot of the same things), even go the same places b/c my "new" friends don't like doing certain things or going to certain places I like to go. Aside from all of that, I'm just getting used to my new normal, taking it day by day. Was thinking of traveling somewhere out of the country by myself for my bday but that all depends if I can land a job and also get some extra income.

My H also worked with OW for awhile before it became a PA. She was for all intents and purposes, "a friend." I mean, we invited to our house for parties. He would send her to run errands for me and whole host of other things I wont go into b/c now that I look at it, H was playing me for a fool.