Ciluzen, I think it's interesting that you run into him on the weekends too. This entire time, I haven't run into my H at all. And I haven't run into his friends either. And we all live in the same area and like the same things. But I've also been keeping to myself and not doing those things b/c the memories hurt too much so that may also be why I don't run into ppl.
And to your point broke, if I run my calculations based on the timeline, H has been working and hanging out with OW for well over 1 year now. He's started and stopped and started again. Thats what makes me think maybe it's not a fog. I also find it weird b/c during his "stop", he even admitted that whatever they had was started out of sadness, loneliness, depression, anger, etc. But yet, he keeps going back. And I wonder if he's integrating her into his life. And if our friends are keeping it from me and protecting him b/b I know absolutely nothing. Like I said, ppl are acting as if I never even existed and this is all just fine. Feel like I'm in the twilight zone, still.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
My last memory of WAW is very similiar. Her walking out the door as I told her I don't want this. She walked out and closed the door.
Haven't seen her since.
I've read that the majority of A's end within 6 months to 2 years. Basically the honeymoon period where both people are still acting like the best versions of themselves. Then they slowly start to reveal themselves and reality sets in.
My first wife left me and had an affair. It took her about 7 months to snap out of it. She immediately started to try to get back with me. It was very sudden. I had already fell for another girl at the time and didn't have any feelings for her anymore.
She still hints at getting back together to this day. When I see her now, I actually feel a little grossed out by her. I have zero feelings for her, zero.
This was 2 weeks before Xmas, a few days before our 4th anniversary. No, he hasn't filed yet but I heard from a friend that he's talking to lawyers. Which in itself is comical b/c we have no money at all.
That memory will never leave me. And I know that b/c I still have very vivid memories about things from my childhood.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
I am so sorry, HopeRB. It does make it very tough that you don't have any time of "connection" where you are forced to have some type of interactions to check your db'ing progress. I bet the holidays were just awful. By the time I was at the holidays it has been 4-5 months, so it wasn't as "fresh". Do you feel like the db'ing is helping you individually? Have you gotten to that point yet? That is what I am striving for....to not "fake it" anymore, but really try to do the work for myself on myself. Not JUST for the hope of reconciliation but moving towards just being the best person (mom, wife, friend, etc) that I can be. I know for me it will be so hard to do this, but I have to for my sanity.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I missed this post before. I sometimes wonder if my H is still in the "fog", too. He told me that he had a connection with the OW from the moment he met her 2 years ago at work. But, it didn't become physical until July. However, he just isn't himself - he is really lost, not logical or rational at all, can't really face what he's done (lying to his family and friends). So, then I think he is still in the fog, but I waver back and forth. I do know that I can't let myself get dragged down into it with him.
You are still at the very beginning of your journey and I felt like I was married to an alien and in the twilight zone for 2-3 months. I promise that feeling does start to wan - I do have a day here and there where it just feels surreal, but I don't focus so much on being in the "zone". I think it is part of the first step to grieving: denial. The more I got out and scheduled things the better I felt. I remember the first "normal" day I had: I celebrated no nap or crying, just paid the bills, had coffee with friends. It felt amazing to jump that hurdle. Now, I have lots of normal days. But, I hate that your friends haven't been there the way that you need them to be. That is where I have been very blessed - I have two friends that have checked on me daily since this started 7 months ago. That is a blessing. Can you reach out to some others and start to build up some more social outings? I do think it really helps....
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Well Thanksgiving was awesome, I thought. He said he was just pretending. We spent it together. Flew down to my brother-in-laws house, cooked dinner, slept in the same bed, cuddled, he rubbed my feet, deferred to me, made me drinks, laughed, yadda, yadda. And I gave him his space the entire time and even our family could see that he loved me and was coming to me. We were close on our flights, talked about him coming home...and then 1.5 weeks later.
Christmas was extremely difficult and I didn't know what to do with myself so my family flew me down to FL to get away for a few days. A chunk of my mom's family moved down there years ago, including my mother who I've struggled with my entire life and has been the biggest source of pain in my life - sorry was about to go off on a rant there. Nevertheless, I was miserable there and just wanted to come back home.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
And I do feel 180ing and DBing are helping. I go out, it's just not the same as before, sadly. I also have 2 friends that check on me daily to make sure I'm ok but we are very different, I'm noticing. I find myself trying to be my old self with my old sense of humor and gusto with these ladies, and even share everyday details about work and things as I would with H but, it's not the same. I don't get the same caring response I would get from H. I feel like I'm trying to replace H's role through my friends's in a weird way and it just isn't working. I can't even make the same jokes I used, talk about the things I used to like to talk about (H and I are into alot of the same things), even go the same places b/c my "new" friends don't like doing certain things or going to certain places I like to go. Aside from all of that, I'm just getting used to my new normal, taking it day by day. Was thinking of traveling somewhere out of the country by myself for my bday but that all depends if I can land a job and also get some extra income.
My H also worked with OW for awhile before it became a PA. She was for all intents and purposes, "a friend." I mean, we invited to our house for parties. He would send her to run errands for me and whole host of other things I wont go into b/c now that I look at it, H was playing me for a fool.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
