REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!#4

[Zues126]

Agreed, thank you Ty.

I will also add that I have always viewed this as a personal growth forum, not a support forum.

Some posters write fill many threads with how they could've recognized their WAS's needs differently, their love languages, how they acted out of resentment, how those love busting actions were expressed, some better ways to react and respond and converse, understanding where that resentment came from, where those expectations came from, why there were so disproportionately important that they were allowed to contribute to the destruction of a marriage, what underlying needs were at the bottom of it, how could they maybe meet some of those needs on their own and take accountability for their happiness so they didn't have to try to control their partner, and how can they do that now and start making their life a demonstration that they are capable of being a better partner and person than they were in their marriage. These posters also work hard on thought patterns, learning new ways of looking at things so little by little they break out of circular thought patterns, and can start making emotional progress by not getting stuck on certain triggers.

Other posters want to tell people what happened to them and what their feeling that day and have people sympathize, or help them through some tactical decision making.

To me the first approach is what DBing is about to ME. When a poster spends < 5% of their writing talking about their contributions to the breakdown of the M, their 180s, their self-work, well, I don't get it, and I don't think I can offer much. But just because I approach things differently doesn't mean you're wrong or lesser or anything like that, it truly only means is that I approach things differently. I do appreciate that you are working on self acceptance as you are, and that's important, I agree there is nothing wrong with you. Bottom line is just like in life there are all types on this board, and all types of roads we can journey down. We all want what's best for you, and you will have good companions here that will support you in the way you need support.